Expats

[acjade]

I want to open an expat club here in Xi'an... right in the middle of the Middle Kingdom. Western chef; library and book exchange; teacher's resource room;gym and beauty centre; translation services.... buy in bulk hard to get and therefore expensive items such as cheese, decent bread.
Car service, domestic staff, P.A's. tour guides...

Hairdresser, tailor, childcare...

Any thoughts folks?

[Raoul Duke]

I hope you have a lot of money...startup capital for such a venture will be formidable.

Will you be excluding dogs and Chinese?

[con's fly is open]

Jade, it's a great idea, but start small. Poll the local laowai on what they want in a watering hole- it may be as simple as a place where there are ONLY foreigners, or a no-Chinese-speaking zone. Or maybe a place with a gigantic coffee tureen and free refills.

Shortlist the essentials, then add on other stuff as you go. Free idea: great big maps of the Western countries, so laowai can push a pin into their hometown.

The possibilities are endless. But you'll need a Chinese partner to work the system...

[acjade]

Sanx Con.
My parents were in the hotel business as were my aunts and uncles so I guess it's in the blood. I never lived in a house until I was fifteen years old when my parents retired. My cousin owns ... won't say in case you guys think I'm a wankeress.
I appreciate your thoughts and yes a Chinese partner is essential but I don't think that will be a problem.
Raoul I don't think big bucks are involved. I think it's more like really giving the expats what they want. Coffee and English corner. Beer with a head in a squeaking clean glass. Steak and chips, Sunday roast and cheesecake. Christmas Dinner....

[Newbs]

Looks like we've found a place for next year's "conference".

[Mr Nobody]

Mmm. And we can follow it up with stodge and custard.

[Beausie]

Spotted Dick please

[acjade]

And what about a month's supply of lesson plans with teaching aids - just for the ESLers of course.
And beer on tap!
English magazines in the lobby and a latex condom vending machine in the loo.

[Mr Nobody]

There is, or was, an expats in Nanning where I will be. I will investigate and report, sometime after i get there.

I know they ran an english corner for locals some nights, and were advertising for a native english speaker for barman. I saw the website somewhere.....

[con's fly is open]

Throw in a dartboard or two, and Western sports on the tube...
And the music: NO Chinese pop, or Chinese rap, or Chinese anything. No telling how much I'd pay for a beer if there were some Ramones tunes playing.

[ilunga]

'Sunday roast'? I'll be straight there . Might be moving to Xi'an next year.

Just spent the weekend there. What are the best bars? Found a place called Apollo on Dong Da Jie. It was cool and cheap enough but a bit boring. Really needed a pool table or something.

[woza17]

" spotted Dick"

I am sure George would be welcome.

(I really don't think we need to mention his little problem on the board)

[Mr Nobody]

That is why there is a condom machine in the toilet.

[con's fly is open]

Eggs, toast, sausage and hashbrowns on the brunch menu, Heaven's answer to a hangover...
Hookers and Herbalife salesmen promptly ejected.

NO KARAOKE NIGHT!!!

[Ruth]

I like the book exchange idea.

[Raoul Duke]

Woza, ya beat me to it. ;-{)

I meant before that I don't really like the idea of "Expats Only" places. Even this place (whose new name has had a new problem revealed) warmly welcomes Chinese friends, if they can stand our occasional bitchy comments about their homeland. Most who have joined us have not persisted upon discovering that we don't speak the same English amongst ourselves that we teach in our classes. Tamen duoban kan bu dong.

[con's fly is open]

I also wish there were more Chinese hanging out here. I think that's A key reason why Babe's posts are so sought after, by me and everyone else (that, and she's damn funny).

So I'll amend what I said. I DON'T want a Whites Only pub in the physical world, just a "Halloooh! Laowai!", gawking-free, huckster-free habitat.

[acjade]

That's exactly it. Some of my best friends are Chinese! Heck I'd even marry one if the Only Chinese men I met weren't corrupt school bosses/owners or students too young to play.
Of course Chinese people and other foreign nationals would be welcome. But there would be No I repeat No karoke; no helloooo Charlies and no MSG. The Loos will have toilet paper and the sports bar will play Aussie rules football replays and the dartboard will feature a photograph of Pauline Hanson and John Howard.

[Mr Nobody]

Hey, need a bouncer?


I mean, need security?

[George61]

" spotted Dick"

I am sure George would be welcome.

(I really don't think we need to mention his little problem on the board)

I heard that!.......Bitch!!!!

[Mr Nobody]

I think you do.

[acjade]

George do you need to call security?

[George61]

yes. I think I need to call Security!









SECURITY!!

[con's fly is open]

'Kay,'m heeer. hoooz hollrn bout wut? I got mace just in- oh, wait, mixed it with Pepsi.

Okay, what...

Oh, hey Jade, Dad, Nobby. Who's buyin'?

Oops-

Oh, hey, Gray, Dave, Dashan. Who's buyin'?

[acjade]

I'm buying. Drinks on me boys. I'll call the bartkeep as soon as I stop laughing.