What DO you want to talk about?

[Raoul Duke]

With the homeys, that is.

The radiantly beautiful and endlessly wonderful Yenny put a question to me, I think on behalf of a friend, that seemed like a natural for this place.

Chinese people often seem a little stiff and ill-at-ease talking to us. Maybe you've noticed. Some of it stems from language hesitancy, but some of it comes from just not knowing good areas for conversation.

We've all seen the things we DON'T want them talking about. The overly-personal stuff (How much do you earn, how old are you, etc.). The political stuff ('nuff said). The borderline-insulting-if-it-weren't-so-naive hackneyed Dancing White Monkey stuff (Can you use chopsticks, what do you think of China, etc.). The things that just scream "I want you to give me a free English lesson!". And so on.

So, if a Chinese person who doesn't know you well wants to approach you for conversation, what SHOULD they open the conversation with once the greetings/introductions are out of the way? What questions CAN they ask you comfortably? Remember, these things should be compatible with less-than-fluent English, and with incomplete cultural knowledge. And talking about classes, etc. is too obvious and not always applicable...

[Lotus Eater]

It's difficult because at home when we meet new people it is usually in a specific context ie.. Work, family things, political meetings etc and so the topics are right there in your face. Here we are strangers and basically out of context.

I don't mind the discussing of work/classes. Normal for all types of conversations.

• Do you have a favourite part of China you have seen?
  
• What is the biggest difference you have noticed?
  
• Would you like me to tell you about this town?
  

Dunno - it's difficult without context.

[Raoul Duke]

I understand. It's easy to list what we don't like; harder to list what we do like.

[Ruth]

I don't mind questions about where I am from or whether or not I have children. That's small talk kind of stuff that gets used in the west. Where I have traveled in China is also okay as long as I don't get the same drilled-into-them responses about each place I've visited: Harbin - it's cold there. Dalian - it's a beautiful city. Give me more. But maybe the language skills don't go beyond that, so I try to be patient.

I also like to learn about the people I'm meeting. What do they do, where are they from, any children? They should be prepared to answer any question they ask me when turned back on them. And I don't mean that in a nasty way - I mean small talk.

[Non-Dave]

I'm happy to talk about anything with them - even the stuff that's always the same - as long as they are actually, truly, honestly interested.

If I can see the question about "I want to live in Australia. Can you help me find a job" or "I need a small loan" lurking in the shallow depths of their frontal lobe I'm ready to move on. If they are really curious and interested I'll happily chat all day.

I also want to be able to practise my Chinese on them - fair's fair, right?

[Decurso]

Like Lotus said..it's largely in context.If I am trying to have a quiet dinner alone and some stranger comes up to my table and starts asking me"where are you from?" and "do you like China?" I just consider this plain rude and I don't want to talk about anything.

On the other hand,if I am out for a few beers or in an obviously social environment it's a different story.Talking about music has been a great way for me to make friends.Not everyone in China likes Jay...and if a Chinese person tells me Jays music is xit but Jimi Hendrix is nu bi there is a good chance we are on the fast track to friendship.Movies are a good topic too.

Questions about Canada are actually something I don't get a lot of.It seems all they want to know is what you think of their country,food,culture,ect.It would be refreshing to see them show some interest in the world outside China.

As for the stuff we're not supposed to talk about...if someone else brings it up I won't shy away from it.I do mind my words and the setting though.

[Lotus Eater]

Hey, Decurso - nu bi? I was taught niu bi or zhen niu bi - with REALLY bad meanings??

[Decurso]

There is an interesting story behind how I learned this word/saying.

Some friends of mine told me it meant "very good".I subsequently went around using it all the time to practice my Chinese and was greated with hysterical laughter.I assumed this was a typical case of a foreigner speaking Chinese being hilarious.

Anyways,over dinner with a Chinese family I told them their daughters English was "nu bi".They then told me that this was actually a swear word.Ooops.Good thing I never used it in class.

I asked my friends if this was true..and they said yes.It really means something like "m'kaying awesome".

Recently I learned the literal translation.It means"the cows pussy".Kind of like the "cats pajamas"...but a lot more graphic.

[Lotus Eater]

Up here it means 'really big c**t" and you can ONLY use it to really good friends (and that's when you are telling them they think they are pretty smart) or when you truly don't like your teeth.

[woza17]

Money, personal finance is always a good topic. Everyone can relate to it and depending on how garruolous you are it can go in so many differnt directions,
The street cleaner to the government leader to the prostitute, the morality of each job who has the hardest job

[Lotus Eater]

Don't forget in this situtation - WE are the ones out of context. When Chinese people meet each other for the first time they can sort it easily. It is with US they are awkward!! So it behoves us to be civil!! Not judgemental. What the hell are you going to say to a Martian??

[joe]

I'm okay with whatever. I just want someone to be true.

A kid came up to me once and said, "I want to break the ice!"

If he was a girl we could have married.

[Lotus Eater]

I also have to plead guilty to being pretty boring in my self-introduction to Chinese people in Chinese. I ask questions adn provide answers I can say! If the conversation gets complicated quickly I resort to 'ahh' very soon!

I would love to be able to really get into a good chat - but just as in English there are plenty of 'unspeakables' in Chinese as well, so staying away from these limits conversation.

When I am feeling people out as potential friends in any country I don't get into the deep and meaningfuls too fast - surface testing is OK.

[Norbert Radd]

The following would all be good subjects: Good Chinese movies and sitcoms. What they know about the States. Women who like me. Where all the factories are in Shenzhen, i.e., what gets made where. The best deals on local phone cards and [cell] phones. Their personal opinions of Taoism. Why they like baijiu better than Finlandia vodka. The best places to download MP3 files. Winning Chinese chess tactics.

[Dr. Gonzo]

I always liked "What job do you do in Australia?", to which I replied "teacher". Suprised silence.
"What did you teach?", expecting basket weaving or sausage making. "English". Gobsmacked silence.
I actually enjoyed conversations that didn't start with questions. "Hello Mr. Gonzo, I'm very exciting, my sister is marry tomorrow". We'd then clarify that it was actually her cousin, and go on to discuss the family and the whole wedding thing.

[Dragonsaver]

ruth said:

I also like to learn about the people I'm meeting. What do they do, where are they from, any children? They should be prepared to answer any question they ask me when turned back on them. And I don't mean that in a nasty way - I mean small talk.

I agree with Ruth. I like to ask them about themselves as quickly as possible. I have had a good reaction to this, even in Supermarkets.

Since I have little - to- no Chinese (yet), I use sign-language with strangers and talk about groceries while in the checkout line. I even evicted a line crasher last week using polite sign language, much to the delight of the others in line behind me!!!

[Non-Dave]

I'm finding that speaking and understanding a little bit of Chinese can be more frustrating than speaking/understanding none (in a motivating, good way I guess).

The locals who speak English in my little town can literally be counted with the fingers of your hands, with plenty to spare. So any conversations here are in Chinese. I've been responding in Chinese to any Hello's in English - usually prompting a 110 mile an hour, excited response from the Helloer.

The locals are really happy to see a foreigner trying to use their language, but they don't seem to get the fact that "I speak a little Chinese" and "please speak slowly" mean exactly that. They fire off questions so fast... oh, well, it is good practice and it's fun.

I got chatted up by a seriously pretty 22 year old (girl) last night in a restuarant. The conversation was a little slow and basic but she got full marks for persistence and appearance. Gotta keep learning Chinese....

[con's fly is open]

I'd ask a Martian: "what do your women look like? Do they want doors held open for them?"

Let's see...

- do you like basketball? No? What sports do you play?

- Do you have brothers and sisters?

- What is your hometown like?

- Do you watch Chinese TV? What exactly?

- Have you been to Chengdu/Shangahai/Hainan? Where ya been? What did you see? Did you like Beijing more than Shanghai?

- How long do you plan to stay in China? What interested you in my country?

The overall principle of small talk is to cast your net widely, covering broad topics and then narrowing down based on the responses until you find common interest. It's trickier to do witrh a foreigner, since you have less to go on at first, but it's the same skill basically.

[Mr Nobody]

Do you liek basket ball? they ask

No, i don't like sport. I only like kung fu. I reply

So what sport do you play? them, etc.

I don't liek sport. Just kung fu.

What sport do you watch on TV?

I don't watch sport, or watch TV. I don't like sport. I don;'t like TV.

You don't like sport?

No, just kung fu.

Just kung fu?

Yes.

What, Chinese kung fu?

Yes.

No sport?

................................

[woza17]

In one class I talked about scars and how they got them.

Dreams are good everyone has them. I would get the students to talk about their dreams and nightmares.

Even the simple stuff How are you Woza
Bloody awful
Silence
Well aren't you going to ask me why?


My worst classes are when I do most of the talking. God I was talking about dog spit stains tonight and the best way to remove them. I am teaching New Interchange and I really don't like this book anymore.

[con's fly is open]

Scars and hospital stays: the can't-miss class. the only downside is that you can only do it once with each pack.

[Quint]

I have found the most interesting conversations for me in Asia generally
have been

~Food and cooking.... leading to me learning some hints on cooking. yum

~The family circle..... the Confucius filial Piety I think is a really good way to understand the individual and their goals, choices and opinions. a little boring but in the right enviroment.....

~the best conversation I ever had came from a great topic conversation book I had in my adult class it covered really hot topics like, spousal abuse, drugs, abortion, prostitution etc which really bring out interesting opinions especially between students of varying ages. I had to pick up my jaw.,....

one doctor I knew said in class "yes Ive beat my wife" , I asked why is that? he said "because she neglected her duty's as a mother".,, I thought the girls in class took it pretty well. in NZ it could provoke a bitter argument

[con's fly is open]

In Canada it could evoke tar and feathers.

I've always been a bit of a pussy when it came to floating controversial subjects. The few times I dared, though, my class got into it with some gusto. You might have to first foster an atmosphere of tolerance for diverse opinions, but once that's established, people love to express their take on things. And the Chinese don't get so many opportunities as we're used to.

[Dr. Gonzo]

There are heaps of people of "East Asian appearance" in my Australian city.
Just as I'd never strike up a conversation with a Whitey unless there was a reason to do so, I don't parade my infantile Chinese to those I've ascertained as being Mandarin speakers.
I would have appreciated a similar courtesy in China, but I accept we're fair game there and was never deliberately rude to a local making a real attempt to communicate. I actually loved the oldies with their '30s "Bund" English. Some of those intense little kids were impressive, especially given the amount of formal instruction they'd had.
"Hello America" [wrong] yelled from hairdresser establishments also showed a strong desire to build cross cultural bridges.

[con's fly is open]

Ah, yes, Hair Salon English. Anyone volunteer to help research for the textbook?