China, the REAL reasons

[Escaped Lunatic]

OK, let's get past all the "experience another culture" and other usual reasons. Why does someone really end up in China?

I've been giving this question some deep thought and have a few possible answers. I wonder which saloon dwellers some of these will apply to.



1. You didn't get accepted into the Astronaut Corps, and decided that coming to China was almost like being on another planet.

2. You didn't get accepted into StarGate Command. Otherwise, same as #1.

3. You are on a lifelong quest to find the perfect bowl of wonton soup. (ok, that's one of my reasons )

4. After realizing that everything you own was made in China, you decided it would be cheaper to shop at the source.

5. You had an overwhelming desire to sample the local delicacy you kept hearing so much about. It was called baiju.

6. You were about to join the French Foreign Legion, but remembered that the French military hasn't had any real accomplishments since Napoleon.

7. You were just trying to fly to Canada. It's not your fault that "CAN" is the airport code for Guangzhou.

8. No matter how many times you asked, the local McDonalds where you came from always refused to carry Civit Burgers.

9. You decided that the IRS/Inland Revenue would never be able to hunt you down if you were hiding in the outermost portion of Inner Mongolia.

10. You just could never find enough Chairman Mao memorabilia on eBay.

11. The job in the North Korean uranium enrichment facility just wasn't working out for you.

12. You were an illegal immigrant from Mexico, and the US Border Patrol decided that just putting you south of the Rio Grande wouldn't be enough to stop you from coming back.

13. You are a Hoganlander who secretly hates vegemite (a serious criminal offense in the Land Down Under). This was the one place you could go where it wasn't readily available. Now you can easily hide your problem by making lots of postings about how much you miss eating vegemite.

14. You and about 5 million other people in USania all swore you would leave the country if George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004. How were you to know that the other 4,999,999 of them didn't understand the concept of being true to one's word?

15. You were at the local seaport near your hometown. Who knew that "being Shanghaied" wasn't just an archaic expression?

16. After your locality banned smoking just about everywhere, you found the one place on Earth where smoking is virtually mandatory.

17. You answered a lonely hearts ad from a guy named Raoul. One thing led to another, and now you're kind of stuck.

18. After a really great party, you woke up in Beijing with no idea how you got there. You were looking for your country's embassy to try to get home when a local came up to you and said "You English me. 50 an hour."


Any more?

[Lotus Eater]

No. 6. That's me.

[Raoul Duke]

Definitely #17 for me. Strangely enough.

[Jollyjunklass]

#16andm'kaymyspacebarisnotworking,Iwilldie.ISTHEREANYONEWHOISMACFALIARIIIIIII

[Ruth]

19. You were a peon in state government and figured the bureaucracy in China couldn't be any worse. Moving to China seemed like a good way out.

[Escaped Lunatic]

LE is #6? With all the remote places you go, I thought #9 was the right answer for you. Then again, kcanuck actually lives in Inner Mongolia. Hmmmnnnn...

Raoul, I think we're going to need more details on that.

JJL, assuming that your computer isn't a laptop, turn it off. Then fold in the legs on the keyboard (then check again to be SURE they are folded in). Hold the keyboard upright and level about 15 cm above a clear area of your desk and drop it. Repeat a couple of times. Turn the computer back on. This fixes stuck keys about 75% of the time. I know this sounds odd, but "Thank you for calling Gateway Tech Support" is a phrase I once was way too familiar with, and the keyboard drop was a common thing we walked people through.

Ruth, how does the bureaucracy compare???

So, does anyone else match a number on the list or need to add to it?

Gotta get back to planning my quest to locate perfect wonton soup.




“Are there moths on the way to the sun right now going, 'It's gonna be worth it!'?”
- Bill Hicks

[Crippler]

20. Have an understanding wife who say I can look at all the eye candy as long as I don't bring it home.

[Ruth]

About the eye candy: I certainly didn't come to China for that reason. But, just happened upon my own eye candy on the way to the facial salon this morning. Two absolutely gorgeous young guys approached me and we had a brief conversation. Turns out they are hairdressers. Coulda brought them home, but then I'd have to let Crippler bring his eye candy home.

loony said:

Ruth, how does the bureaucracy compare???

Now that I have the hang of it (sort of. Will I ever truly understand this place??), I find it easier to deal with. I can always go 'TIFC' and excuse it away. Had difficulty doing that in my own country.

[kzel81]

21. All your friends are now shacked up, have decided that the only way to be happy is to be shackled to someone and everytime you see them, you get the 'I know a great guy I can set you up with' speech...

[Dajiang]

#7 for me. Took a wrong turn really...

For a while i figured canada sure had a big chinatown.

[nolefan]

15 & 16 basically cover it for me..

[Newbs]

yi, si and shiqi for me.

[Dragonsaver]

#2

and of course #17. However, that was before I found out about the yodel ban

[acjade]

No. 11 + 16

[Escaped Lunatic]

>For a while i figured canada sure had a big chinatown.

I almost put in something along the lines of "What, you mean this isn't the expanded China pavillion at Epcot?"




"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building."
- Charles M. Schulz

[George61]

16

[hankuh]

For the fudge and I wasn't disappointed in the least.

[Escaped Lunatic]

TMI Bubba. WTMI!

[hankuh]

and for the packing.........

[con's fly is open]

For me:2, 3, 9, 11 (but in my hometown its called "tech writing for gas companies"), 16, 17 (wait, that's Suzhou, not China), 19 (see 11) and 21.

22. You discovered you are considered taller and far more attractive in China that you are back home.

23. You crave a world when you can wear pajamas in public without security guards demanding to see your hospital bracelet.

24. Yellow Fever ('nuff said).

25. You dig all the attention.

26. You are comforted by working in an atmosphere that is more incompetent than you are.

27. You dig the disposable income.

28. You aren't tempted by crack/heroin/TV/celebrity gossip here.

29. You don't even particularly like this country so much as can't stand your own.

30. You can make up stuff to people here about your life back home, and make up stuff to people back home about your life here.

31. Western countries are so hung up on bathing regularly.

32. You find being a visible minority is a lot cooler than they made it out to be.

[cheekygal]

33. You are a spy and working undercover: teacher by day, assassin by night...

[mich]

Number 4...

Boy was I sadly mistaken on that one!!!

too many bows, sequins, lace, hangy thingies on everything....

Oh and short it length!!! Shoes aren't big enough. tops aren't wide enough.

*sigh*

so I'm teaching instead

[Vegemite]

"9. You decided that the IRS/Inland Revenue would never be able to hunt you down if you were hiding in the outermost portion of Inner Mongolia."


Number 9 doesn't work...I got tracked down. A student loan from years ago (which I had paid, I swear) reared it's ugly head and put me in a panic for a wee while. The blighters tracked me down to outermost Inner Mongolia...the furtherest north city in the whole of China. Incredible.

So, my next choice is number 22. I am tall! I AM TALL! I am very tall, I am extremely tall - I am 5ft3. I am so tall...up here...

As to attractive...

[Vegemite]

And as to number 7:
7. You were just trying to fly to Canada. It's not your fault that "CAN" is the airport code for Guangzhou.

This does happen, there's a true story of two men who were flying China Airlines from Australia to NZ and accidentally got on a China plane (leaving from the same gate) going to Beijing.

You can read the story on:
www.nzherald.co.nz/storydisplay.cfm?storyID=193493&thesection=news&thesubsection=general

One of the men was intellectually disabled and the other was his care-giver. I wonder if he kept his job???

[Escaped Lunatic]

34. You are looking forward to meeting strange people from strange places and trying to learn their very complex and mysterious language . . . Australian.


(sorry, had to put that one in before going to work for Non-Dave)

BTW Cheeky, maybe you should write a novel or manga about #33. It would make a great plot.