Equal opportunity for all

[Escaped Lunatic]

Since those lovely flowers of the fairer sex have a private lounge where they can make fun of all the guys in the saloon discuss important issues, it seems logical that there should be a "gentleman's club" where the guys could get together to share pics of hot Chinese policewomen discuss porn manly arts.

[icebear]

I thought the ladies lounge was for gross stuff, like talking about love, and tampons, and menstruation.

I guess if there were a gentlemen's club I'd use it to discuss the above manly acts... but being a man and all, I don't mind just discussing them in public!

No doubt this place will soon resemble an issue of Penthouse Forum.

[Dajiang]

"... newly bought electronic dictionary. She sensuously typed in some words, as my mind was momentarily distracted by her decolletee which revealed little but sparked my imagination nonetheless. She handed me the dictionary as she proceeded massaging my bald spot. I saw she had written something in Chinese, and pressed the automatic translator button. I could hear its metallic automated voice saying: ..."

[Hamish]

"...I saw you looking at my tits you rotten old bastard! Aren't they beauties? Tell you what, for 1,500 Yuan and a smile you can have a clear look at them and any other part of me that you find interesting. Come on upstairs, if you can pull that bloated body of yours up 12 steps and a landing.” So, once again I was pinned between my still active libido and my..."

[hankuh]

"..and my duty to enlighten this sensual, gentle female on the various complexities of the English language and Western culture, but since it had been awhile since I felt the sensuous joys of the female flesh, I begrudgingly put my noble duties aside. I walked stiff legged up the stairs, choosing the room with the Santa Claus cardboard pic on the door. Once I entered the room, I knew, yes god I knew, I had done the right thing. Carefully displayed on the table were various ointments, gels, a cat o' nine tails, manacles, and, remarkably, a guest book. The vixen opened the book, and said, "Here, you sign. Okay?" Among the various Chinese characters, I was surprised to see that another foreigner had preceded me in enjoying the erotic pleasures. On the third line of the registry was the name..........."

[George61]

...Teacher Hairy Arse!

[Raoul Duke]

"Strange sense of deja-vu!" I said to myself as I cursed bozos who don't leave a story segue open, but I knew I had definitely never been here because none of the girls had the Double-B brand on any of their cheeks. Therefore, it had to be an imposter...but WHO? Then it dawned on me. It could only have been...

[hankuh]

some desperate foreign schmuck, just like me perhaps, but before, I could give the idea of who this dastardly hormonal drenched lactose intolerant comrade was, I felt a titillating sense of pain on my buttocks. I quickly turned around, dropping the book, and there lustily staring at me, was, indeed, that oriental vixen, decked out in a leather halter, a white rhinestone thong, a Red Guard cap, and enough metal to easily make one beg for plastic.

"You get down on floor now! Laowai!" She commanded in perfectly clipped accented English.

I was in no mood to argue, so I immediately hit the floor, yelling gleefully, "Yes, dammit all, I 've been a bad boy!"

And then, just to add spark to my intimate cross-cultural moment she said that lovely cliche:

"Me love you long time!"

My mind reeled at all the Asian erotic fantasies I had suffered during my adolescence, and at the very reality that was taken place outside of an English corner, as I felt the sweet thrash of the whip on my lower extremities. Ah, sweet penance!

But then, I heard a very loud knock, a knock of urgency.

We both abruptly stopped our love antics; my buttocks burning with the lashes of my dominatrix. The voice behind the door roared...........

[Dajiang]

"DAMN YOU, STINK MAN!!*" And right at that moment, the door was kicked in by a Kung Fu master!

"This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat", he spoke, his lips strangely outsynch with his voice.

Not wanting to bow down to this scoundrel I yelled: "Guns! You think I'm meaning puppy?"
As I pulled out my 12 inch ...



(*with courtesy of this wonderful website: www.ninjaburger.com/fun/creativity/quotes.shtml)

[con's fly is open]

stack of Hello Kitty trading cards.

"That's right, kitten, and there's more where these came from. Too bad this probably-Japanese jerk wants to rain on the party."

The leather-clad vixen paused exactly 3 seconds before producing an astoundingly large taser and tagging the psycho in the groin. His screams and gargles drowned out her words as she led me by the hand out of the room and into...

[hankuh]

"ENGLISH CORNER! But, alas, it wasn't just any normal English Corner: all the female participants were in various stages of the fashionably dressed and/ or undressed, displaying various part of their nubile, oh so velvety soft flesh. Sadly, though, the questions were the same ol' same ol' : "Do you like China" "Can you use chopsticks?" etc. ad nauseum, but for once, in my entire life, I could actually handle English Corner. However, I found myself stumbling over my own mother tongue as I ogled all the feminine flesh, and worse, felt a tinge of regret that I forgot my very own............. "

[Newbs]

"gets such a sore neck from constantly turning from a beautiful 20 yo to a more mature and experienced 38 yo and back again. Who to choose? T'was, gentle reader a difficult decision. However, maturity eventually won out and the 38 yo and I went over to the corner to become better acquainted.

And better acquainted we certainly became. All was going well until my wandering hand slipped a little too low. Suddenly I realised that this was not a woman. There, sitting beside me, in drag, was..."

[hankuh]

"Pastor J. R. Debs of the First Primitive Baptist Church of Dimrod, Georgia. I knew J.R. from years back, but man, I'm tellin' ya, I really didn't think ol' J.R., the epitome of sanctity and piety would be right here in this carnal driven English Corner in drag, and frankly, dressed rather splendidly in a Bob Mackie designed rhinestone skirt, complete with a lace blouse, and Gucci sandals.

"Pastor Debs!" I shouted in surprise. "What in the name of God brought you to such a wicked den?"

Before he spoke, he blew me a kiss, which the girls all thought was kind of cute, and then, he said......."

[con's fly is open]

"The South has risen agin', boy! C'mon, turn dat frown upsad down." He batted his eyelashes coquettishly- caused one to detach and get caught under his eyelid. "DANG IT!" he bellowed in a far less fetching pitch.

Damn English corners: either you get stuck with dullards asking the same old questions, or they ask you to sing, or some tranny tries to trick into touching her johnson. Time to take back control: I grabbed Debs Honeysuckle pink lipstick and stood up.

"Listen up everybody!" I called out, writing on the wall. "The word for today is...