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Post by solongtinik on Nov 9, 2006 11:55:30 GMT 7
i was on my way to the gym when my co FT approached me saying that he'll leave the school soon (he just arrived last september i think)...
it hit me hard that time...i turned my back and cried...he's the second FT who left the school just after 3 or 5 months of stay... they're all leaving me...
my ex fling just decided wanting NOT to see me ever again..whew!
yeah! and raoul's leaving too! eh!
MJinx
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kzel81
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Post by kzel81 on Nov 9, 2006 12:18:25 GMT 7
Just think of it this way - it means someone even better may come along, replacing the person who's leaving.
Also, though it's sometimes hard, try and be happy for the person/s leaving. I know I prefer it when people say what a great experience it will be for me to come over to China, rather than listening to the people who keep going on about how it's so sad that they won't see me, and things won't be the same etc.
If you've forged a real friendship, nothing will get in the way of that, even different states or continents...
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Newbs
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Post by Newbs on Nov 9, 2006 13:31:32 GMT 7
ihe's the second FT who left the school just after 3 or 5 months of stay... they're all leaving me My 2 jiaos worth. Sounds like the school may not be that crash hot, but you're proving that you are made of some pretty strong stuff, if you can tough it out when others just up and leave. Okay, that's just one spin you can put on it, but hope it helps.
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Post by mich on Nov 9, 2006 15:55:34 GMT 7
Sometimes people just aren't cut out for this weird place. They may have left for China to escape a problem at home, or they may find that China isn't what they expected it to be. Maybe some people think it's easier than what it actually is.
I'm in the tiniest, most primative town known to man here in China. Back home, I wouldn't have believed places like this exsisted!!!
People back home don't beleive me when I tell them that I can't get thing like bread, cheese, beef or chicken. They fail to undestand that in this place many of the houses have no running water. There are rice fields here....yes, rice is actually grown it doesn't come from a little clear plastic packet on your supermarket shelf.
So I guess some people are cut out for China, some people aren't....me personally? I couldn't do this forever. I've enjoyed the experience here, I may visit the main cities again, one day. But I can't see myself doing another one year stint again. I miss the luxuries of home.
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Post by Dajiang on Nov 9, 2006 17:08:00 GMT 7
hey solong, hang in there. it might seem lonely in there now, but im sure there'll be folks around soon enough. china is after all full of people. you know why they are heading off though? the school or the city giving them a hard time? how about yourself? not time to head for greener pastures yourself too, or you're liking it there? dont worry about it anyway. for me saying goodbye has become quite easy since ive been travelling, cuz the funny thing is that for many people it wasn't really goodbye. some of them you'll meet again after some time, or just stay in touch with, others fade away slower, and the rest is replaced by other cool people. all good. Dajiang
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Post by Jollyjunklass on Nov 9, 2006 19:06:10 GMT 7
Hey Mich,
I like that quote from Chris Rock that you have.
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Post by mich on Nov 10, 2006 6:34:03 GMT 7
Yeah, I think it's kinda cool...made me laugh when I read it.
;D
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Post by Lotus Eater on Nov 10, 2006 7:06:55 GMT 7
For me China is a place you either love or hate. There doesn't seem to be a real middle ground. I met some people the other day (Hogans) and asked them how long they had been here - since August. What are your plans - we leave in January and can't get out of here soon enough. It really shocked me - but they hated the place. They'd been pickpocketed twice (no siree, there are no criminals in Oz) and had been sick on and off during their whole stay here.
I did step back and say to myself that this place is not for everyone, and logically I understand that they just aren't 'Chinaphiles' and have not made a Milekey transition. But ... deep in my heart I was dismissive of them - how can you NOT love this place??
So I tell myself that people who don't really love it here are better off back home and it's better for China and the rest of us to have them leave.
But I still wanted to spring to the defence of China, to berate them for not loving what I love. This is my 'ugly baby' syndrome - you have an ugly baby, know it's ugly but love it anyway, and when you see people's faces and know they think your baby is ugly you want to defend it heart and soul!!
But also an expat life is made up of saying hello and goodbye - part of the territory. We too will move on one day, and people will be saying goodbye to us.
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Post by solongtinik on Nov 10, 2006 8:01:54 GMT 7
i guess the school is demanding alot feom 'em..i have heard complains from some students and from our FAO too...it's not that im their best FT coz they only got two..but i guess im just doing my work well..
prob in china? yeah, luxuries back home just like mich but i can survive. my town is really simple but i have the best peole around...it's just that i could relate most to fellow fts.
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Post by hankuh on Nov 10, 2006 8:23:30 GMT 7
LE, because I choose to remain civil, without incurring any animosity, I won't post a lengthy reply; instead, I will just state that I overwhelmingly disagree with your reply(#7).
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Ruth
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Post by Ruth on Nov 10, 2006 9:30:01 GMT 7
Solongtinik, goodbyes are difficult, especially when you are the one being left behind. I agree with Lotus that it is probably the way life is here for an FT.
I'm mentally preparing myself for difficult goodbyes in about six weeks. Been here three years.
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Crippler
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Beware the conspiracy!
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Post by Crippler on Nov 10, 2006 10:58:25 GMT 7
I think of change as inevitable and as saying hello to many new people as opposed to saying goodbye. I will stay in touch with the real friends I have made and the general acquaintence folks will slowly disappear. No different than in the west when I moved. I have some folks who keep in touch and others who don't. Life is about change and I choose to embrace it.
Not for a second would I give up the joy of changes I have made in the past and I look forward to those I make in the future.
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Post by Lotus Eater on Nov 10, 2006 11:14:43 GMT 7
Bubba - no problems with your disagreement with me - and I'm happy you want to stay civil. No problems with that either! And I did preface my reply with a 'for me' - knowing I don't and can't speak for everyone. I was actually surprised at the level of my shock at their clear dislike for being here. I think it says more about me than about them, and more about stuff I shouldn't be concerned about. I have the same type of concerns when I have visitors come to stay - I want them to love what I love. It must come down to my need for validation of my choices.
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Post by Dajiang on Nov 10, 2006 11:40:15 GMT 7
well, the first time i got to china i must say i didnt like it much either, and i was very very very happy to leave two month later and head over to Laos and beyond at the time... funny thing though when i was laying in my hammock sipping fruit shakes in kanchanaburi i started missing life in china. second time i felt right at home and henceforward i've love it here more than any other place ive been to, with perhaps the exeption of some parts in Australia (struth! ). i guess it was culture shock at the time though, and partly the crowd i was hanging with (a huge croat ex-mercenary with a severe dislike of china, he was there cuz he was ordered to by his embassy, long story). anyways, Lotus Eater therefore is right in saying china is not for everyone, just like India is absolutely not my place to be (glad to have seen what it's like, but more glad to have left after a month). Or maybe it is for anyone, but you got to be ready for it, and have the right frame of mind to be here, or heaps of cash which make any place great. culture shock does have a great deal to do with loving or hating a place though. DJ
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Post by Noodles on Nov 10, 2006 16:51:34 GMT 7
I love china, but i have never been able to express my feeling for this place, but that just about sums it up. Kind of.
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Post by acjade on Nov 10, 2006 19:51:48 GMT 7
I don't think of China as an ugly baby. No way.
And meeting and getting to know people and loving them and saying goodbye has been the pattern of my life. At least these days we have the internet. Keeping in contact is a lot easier than when I was a kid. Which is why not having the internet for a few months didn't rattle me.
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nolefan
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Post by nolefan on Nov 10, 2006 20:18:20 GMT 7
I don't think of China as an ugly baby. No way. I'm with you on this. It's more like a pimpled teenager dealing with the pressure of puberty.
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Post by acjade on Nov 10, 2006 20:24:42 GMT 7
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Post by The G-Stringed Avenger on Nov 10, 2006 22:16:57 GMT 7
My first experience with - what I thought - was a real expat friend was a terrible disappointment in the end. It kind of felt like a break-up, bizarre I know. I was fantastic mates with a Canadian guy, we did everything together, he invited me to Canada with him to spend Christmas with his family. We planned to travel the Trans-Siberian railway together. Then his mother got sick and he packed up and left the next day. After a couple of months with no contact - ok, his mum was sick, so I figured he was busy - I decided to drop him a line to see how he was. His mum, it turns out, was fine and recovered quickly, but his replies - at that time and every one subsequently - were short and curt.
I perservered, but it became obvious that the onus of maintaining contact was entirely on me. The final disappointment was running into a co-worker who, as it turned out, had just been to Canada - to my friend's wedding. Well, as you can guess, he hadn't even told me he was getting married, but he'd invited this co-worker. I sent him an email congratulating him. Apart from his reply, we haven't been in touch since.
As I said, it was my first time... kind of like a virginity or something, huh? Ha ha, still, I am never really close with other expats now. I know how it will all end, and I just don't believe in giving of myself to people who'll eventually drift away from me in time. I have my true friends back home and that's that, I guess.
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Post by The G-Stringed Avenger on Nov 10, 2006 22:18:32 GMT 7
I think I'm a bit of a cold bastard, now that I re-read my last post.
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Post by AMonk on Nov 11, 2006 4:39:30 GMT 7
Avenger: You don't sound cold. You sound burned and sensitive. and he sounds like a bit of a jerk Just don't shut yourself off from all FT / ESL contact, OK? You have friends here, you know.
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Post by solongtinik on Nov 11, 2006 10:40:33 GMT 7
RUTH, you're leaving in 6 weeks? oh! u hust broke my heart..i love ur heart..ure such a nice woman...
G-STRING...we aint the same..we're better HERE!!!
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Post by George61 on Nov 11, 2006 10:42:11 GMT 7
G-String, it happens all the time...people you are mates with in one country, don't want to know you when they return home.....Good thing Newbs isn't like that!!
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nolefan
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Post by nolefan on Nov 11, 2006 11:19:05 GMT 7
RUTH, you're leaving in 6 weeks? oh! u hust broke my heart..i love ur heart..ure such a nice woman... G-STRING...we aint the same..we're better HERE!!! Don't worry sweetie, I think Ruth and Crippler will be going through a strategic relocation, going from the cold north to the humid south
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Newbs
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Post by Newbs on Nov 11, 2006 13:22:15 GMT 7
Good thing Newbs isn't like that!! Aww shucks, you old b@st@rd.
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