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Post by con's fly is open on Jul 31, 2005 12:00:13 GMT 7
I'm shaking with anger as I write this.
Jack, one of my original students, has always been a well-behaved, hard-working student. One of my best, usually...
When his father brings him. When his aunt comes, she constantly hisses at him, threatens him, admonishes him, and possibly worse. He becomes the worst student in the class: speaking in a whisper, and too frightened to think straight.
Same thing today, except near the end of the class, when I yell "Pencil, paper!" and pull out the desks to do the writing, spelling test and homework, the disgusting woman suddenly SCREAMED at Jack for crouching and writing on a chair because she couldn't supervise (which of course is why he did it).
The whole class froze- it was that loud, distressing and inappropriate. I glared, but she didn't glance at me. I was afraid to say anything, because I was too angry. I don't have a lot of practice at losing my temper, and i had the homework to assign.
Jack finally sat down at a table, crying, and wrote down the spelling list as she stared over his shoulder and snarled at him. I finished the homework and stormed out, fuming.
I have to go prepare for my next class. More about this later.
That evil bitch!
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Post by Raoul Duke on Jul 31, 2005 12:51:47 GMT 7
Oh, my God.
You're working with parents/family in the classroom?
Nyet! Evict them immediately!
If the management won't let you get the parents out, it's time to leave.
Seriously, Dude, you can't have this. Take it up with your manager.
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Post by con's fly is open on Jul 31, 2005 16:35:19 GMT 7
2 sides to the coin, dude: they coach them during break, write down the homework, learn the lesson along with their kids, and have them prepared when they show up.
I can handle the down side for one simple reason: the school ALWAYS takes my side. There is no shortage of armchair teachers in the peanut gallery, and everyone here knows it. I've talked to the mothers before, run a few up a tree when they went too far, and even sicced the headmastter on them. I can handle the hens, believe me.
But this came, to me, out of nowhere. The simple truth is that I didn't realize what was going on until she crossed the line. She never disrupted my class before.
One word to Mr. Zhou and he'd forbid her to come within 10 meters of the property. So the real issue is whether, come saturday, I:
1. slap her in the face, HARD- terrible mistake;
2. yellow-card her and read her the Riot Act in private;
3. yellow-card her and take her face in class as an example to everyone; or
4. red-card her and tell her I will never be in the same room as her ever again- he's not even her son.
I'll sleep on it, but right now I'm thinking door number 3. I want to correct her behaviour, but it's time to set a precedent again- been the better part of a year since anyone dared to m'kay with MY class.
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Post by con's fly is open on Jul 31, 2005 20:17:11 GMT 7
Viewed 26 times, but no one bar Ba Balu responded. am I the ONLY teacher who has parents in his classroom?
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gengrant
SuperBarfly! 
Hao, Bu Hao?
Posts: 1,818
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Post by gengrant on Jul 31, 2005 21:37:45 GMT 7
Sorry, Con, but I'm with Raoul on this one. I'd much rather let Management deal with it and let them be the "bad guy" - that way you can continue to be the "calm, cool & collected" one. Personally, although I have been in that situation myself, and have wanted to confront the offending person, it is always best when you can pawn it off on a higher up and let them take the heat. I do like the way you think though!  |
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Post by Mr Nobody on Jul 31, 2005 22:47:00 GMT 7
When this happened in the Kids Kung Fu classes (Young Dragons, hah, what an original name) I used to just tell them that they weren't qualified, they weren;t insured and more importantly, didn't know what they were doing. We now don't let them.
Can't really see how this has much bearing on your situation, though.
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Post by Raoul Duke on Jul 31, 2005 23:36:29 GMT 7
I never had parents in a classroom. I can't even imagine trying to teach a class under such circumstances...
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gengrant
SuperBarfly!
Hao, Bu Hao?
Posts: 1,818
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Post by gengrant on Aug 1, 2005 5:32:36 GMT 7
you could always try the 'hey, if you wanna teach my class, more power to ya' approach and just stop teaching...go and sit at a desk and wait...i've done this with students...they thought it was great for about the first 5 minutes, then BEGGED me to start teaching again...of course I read them the riot act first...  |
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 1, 2005 11:05:52 GMT 7
I've used that one, GG: it works. Definitely going to be a part of the delivery.
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Crippler
Barfly
Beware the conspiracy!
Posts: 345
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Post by Crippler on Aug 2, 2005 22:48:57 GMT 7
I allow one class per year for parents to sit in on but they are not allowed to sit near the kids. They sit in the back and are told to be seen but not heard. I did a bit of work at a private school for awhile and had to set boundaries reakl quick. I just told him that my rate was double if parents came. They didn't come!
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woza17
SuperDuperBarfly!
Posts: 2,203
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Post by woza17 on Aug 3, 2005 17:55:10 GMT 7
Con I have had parents in my class, not like that bitch but interfering never the less. Being older and obviously wiser I just treat them like students. One dad was trying to help his son. wrong pronunciation. I told him to sit quietly and behave. His head went down never said a word again. I make a joke of it so no one loses face. Your situation would have made me so angry. I remember last summer camp and the uncle came down and hit the kid shouted at the kid. I was so upset I started crying. (the kid was a right poo and deserved it) In this case the family were really at the end of their tether, not like your little bloke. The uncle thought I was great to express so much emotion. he said sorry to me. Anyway it's awfull and hopefully you can get through to the Aunty to make her understand what she is doing .
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 3, 2005 22:49:38 GMT 7
Thank you, Woza. I control my classroom- period.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll get all stoked up on saturday to lay down the law... and Jack will come with his father. Well, a weekend of reestablishing order is at hand- and not just in this class.
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Post by PP on Aug 4, 2005 9:20:38 GMT 7
Con I have had parents in my class, not like that bitch but interfering never the less. Being older and obviously wiser I just treat them like students. One dad was trying to help his son. wrong pronunciation. I told him to sit quietly and behave. His head went down never said a word again. I make a joke of it so no one loses face. Your situation would have made me so angry. I remember last summer camp and the uncle came down and hit the kid shouted at the kid. I was so upset I started crying. (the kid was a right poo and deserved it) In this case the family were really at the end of their tether, not like your little bloke. The uncle thought I was great to express so much emotion. he said sorry to me. Anyway it's awfull and hopefully you can get through to the Aunty to make her understand what she is doing . I had parents in my class 3years ago, i did the same thing as woza did when they are trying to teach their kids with their wrong pronunciation. And some parents criticized their kids for doing wrong things, i told them to praise their kids more instead of criticism, otherwise kids will have no confidence when they grow up. Apparently they heard that and stopped in the classroom. However i still talked with the management people at the school after class and requested not to let parents have free lessons. As a result i got what i wanted, anyway. good luck, Con. |
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 4, 2005 10:19:36 GMT 7
Excellent, Phyllis. I have to pull rank and lay down the law. Management will back me up, no doubt about that, but it's my responsibility to run my class. Gotta do it myself.
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 6, 2005 16:37:52 GMT 7
So, loaded for bear, with a quiet gunslinger march to class and a quiet, subtly angry speech prepared, I entered class...  ..and ate wind. Jack didn't show.  This almost always happens when i'm prepared to kick some ass. Jack, and the psycho aunt,  will almost cretainly show up tomorrow. I'm not letting my guard down. |
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Post by acjade on Aug 6, 2005 17:45:10 GMT 7
Atta boy. Sickem. And go with Phyllis. No freebies. Good one phyllis.
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woza17
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Post by woza17 on Aug 6, 2005 19:35:54 GMT 7
At the moment I have the opposite problem with one of my summer camp kids. The father's English is near perfect and the mother but their child, even though she is lovely and a bit naughty just tries to teach me Chinese. I ask the parents why her English is not good when you guys speak great English. Oh she doesn't listen to us. I think they think that the child will learn English bu osmosis.
I am going to have a serious talk to the father. Little Tina is a bit of a lazy girl
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 6, 2005 20:58:25 GMT 7
Yeah, I've got many of those. They're the ones I identify most with, which just ends up breaking my heart, since they frequently drop out by wearing their parents down with passive-aggression.
But get the parents onboard, and they could turn her around in a hurry. It's happened here, more than once.
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Post by CAN on Aug 7, 2005 18:44:28 GMT 7
con, I¡¯m so surprised to know that parents can stay your class and disturb your job. I believe the bitch will destroy the boy if such thing carring on. I would like get her out, just for the kids.  |
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 7, 2005 21:00:16 GMT 7
I hear that, CAN. I walked into class to kick some ass today... ...and they didn't show up. Again!  I'm phoning Jack's father tomorrow night, ostensibly to send him the homework, but really to tell him what an outstanding student his son is when he brings him... but how useless a kid he is when the Bitch tags along. |
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 17, 2005 12:00:46 GMT 7
UPDATE: Jack wasn't in class again this weekend. Turns out they had only paid through that last weekend, so it looks as though their yanking him.
That gets to me: he's smarter than average, not a genius, but smart enough to get into a good university when the time comes. And his English is really good: he's one of the students I go to when I have a tough question. I can't help but think the lesson he'll learn from all this is: I'm a worthless turd.
I'm not giving up without a fight: we're gonna call his house, and lay out the facts: his aunt is the problem. But it doesn't look good. If I lose him, I'll just have to live without a happy ending here. I know that with so many students, there are occasional moments like this- it ain't my first. But it sucks.
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Aug 23, 2005 20:06:02 GMT 7
Con, I sympathize. Hope you can get Jack back in your class and undo some of what the evil aunt has done. Undermining a kid's confidence is so low. I see it often enough here for it to really bother me.
I had a mom who insisted on sitting in on my private lessons with her son and two other students. On the days mom didn't show, the boy was so much better at taking chances and speaking. Mom kept 'assisting' with the answers and pronunciation. (thought she was paying me for the native language ability). The boy was visibly upset and angry when mom interfered. Communication was an issue. When another student dropped out and we refigured finances, I made it clear to her that if she attended she would have to pay for the lesson. She quit coming (!), but sent a 'sister' instead. I didn't quibble because the 'sister' sat quietly and listened. The boy is a behavior problem and the 'sister' assists with that.
We've had a 6 week break while I was on holidays. I'm getting a Chinese friend to translate my rules and expectations before I begin the new school year. There will be no parents or 'assistants' in my private lessons. Period. If they want their child taught the 'Chinese' way there are plenty of Chinese English schools in town. If they want to pay for my expertise, by golly, I'm going to be the expert. Lei Shan is so much better at this than I am. I'm a pleaser by nature. But it ends up hurting the kid and the other students.
One class, when I didn't have 'help' and the boy misbehaved, I sat him in the corner, away from the table and the other kids he was bothering. Only took a few minutes and he was ready to rejoin the class. I shocked the heck out of him when I moved him. Guess it isn't a discipline they use here. But it worked.
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Post by con's fly is open on Aug 28, 2005 16:50:19 GMT 7
 That's how it's done: teachers carry weight in this country, and to do your job properly, sometimes you've gotta throw it around. 
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Aug 29, 2005 16:16:07 GMT 7
The trouble with me is that I talk tough here and with Lei Shan. I just can't pull it off when it counts. I'm too busy being 'nice'.
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Wolf
Charter Member and Old Chum
Though this be madness, yet there is method in it.
Posts: 1,150
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Post by Wolf on Sept 2, 2005 13:16:15 GMT 7
I had an unhelpful gandma vulture in on one of my classes last year. I took it up with the managers and got fired (in part) for it.
You're the high and mighty teacher in Chinese society. Tell whoever's paying for the class that if you aren't allowed to teach it just exactly right, that it'll be a waste of kuai.
Point out any past sucesses you have had with the "no Nazi Battle Axe*" rule. Real or imagined.
Tell them that the class rules state not rude stuff, and you have to enforce the rules with everyone in order to maintain the order/peace/status quo.
Take it up with the manager to suggest some of the above.
Best of luck.
* As Nobody and I know, the Nazi shwastica is/was the runic symbol of Mjollnir; Thor's warhammer, and not a battle axe. But we all put up with inaccuracies when we mix metaphors to the border of incomprehensability. I have a nice lakeside house in Incomprehensibility.
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