relationships

[Juggler]

ok guys and gals.

youve read my story, divorced recently.

so my question is what do i do now? should i be single forever?

and a serious question. who can i trust here?

i mean i got burned pretty badly and now i have this awful taste in my mouth when i think of getting intimate again.

im sure that not all ladies here want english, visa, sex or money. so where do i find them?

maybe i should just give that up

[Edges]

im sure that not all ladies here want english, visa, sex or money.

I'm confused, what's wrong with them wanting sex?

[George61]

Life goes on, mate. I heard somewhere that after birth, all women vow never to do it again. Divorce is a bit like that. It m'kayin hurts, but you get over it. I've had it done twice. Forget the trying too hard, just go out, have fun and see what happens. No big deal. Enjoy your single life.

[Lotus Eater]

If the divorce was fairly recent and not easy to get through - give yourself some time before you even think about another relationship! You don't have to be alone forever, but maybe for now, it's also a reasonable option.

You are allowed to lick your wounds, figure out what you learned (and what you need to learn) and let go of some of the baggage that will inevitably be there. You don't want it to spoil the next relationship - no matter how inconsequential.

I have been divorced for nearly 3 years and separated for over 5 - and am still NOT ready for another long term relationship. Don't push it.

Not certain if it is different for guys or not?

[Non-Dave]

Just read these posts and was sitting reflecting on my own poor track record and damnit! Now I have "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" floating around in my head (I keep coming back to "Life's a piece of sh..." and then I start whistling).

I'm with George on this. I've always found the harder I look the less I find and when I sit back and enjoy the good things around me something exciting happens. I've been looking too hard lately, I just stopped trying and today I got seriously hit on by an absolutely gorgeous lady. She is a stunner, speaks the best English I've heard in China and did it in a restaurant in front of her husband! Oh yeah, she's married! The Universe at least has a sense of humour... (For the record I said "No, but thank you very much" very nicely).

Maybe if you give yourself permission to enjoy the good things, get back out there and have some fun... and always look on the bright side of life!

[Newbs]

Time is not only the great healer, but it is also required before I can get to the point where I recognise where I went wrong in the relationship. Ni ting dong le ma?

Juggler, et al. Its about 9 hours later and I've just edited this a fair bit. If anyone read the post prior to editing, then I assure you I was not having a go at anyone, except perhaps myself.

So what the hell am I trying to say? I guess that when any relationship goes wrong, then each party needs to ask themselves, "What did I do that I could have done better?" In my case, it took about 5 years for me to start to recognise the mistakes that I made. (Okay, I'm a slow learner.)

My one regret about the end of a 20 year marriage? That we can't be friends, or at least hold a civil conversation.

If you want to read a post about how the bitch ripped me off, and was totally unreasonable, yabbadah, yabbadah, then you're on the wrong forum. Give me a few hours and a few more drinks and I might go over to the spoon and post something there. (No, not really)

Once again, ni ting dong le ma?

[con's fly is open]

Beijing's a big, fun town. Just enjoy yourself. And refuse to even think about relationships for at least 7 months.

[Mr Nobody]

Hey, Newbs, good post.

[Newbs]

Thanks N. Can you tell I was drunk when I wrote it?

[Mr Nobody]

Yeah. It was sincere, moving, lucid and written with great feeling. You bared your soul, here. The author is obviously someone who has gone through catharsis, through the fires of hell, pheonix-like reforged anew to face life, noble head uplifted, facing the dawn and ready to move on to the glorious future.

Not like your usual posts at all!

[Newbs]

Shenme?

[Mr Nobody]

Sorry, Newbs, I was joking mate. About it not being like you, I mean. It was a nice post.

[Newbs]

Mate, if we can't take the pi$$ out of each other here from time to time, then ... well, we are failing in our solemn duty to be good saloonites.

Except George, of course. I never take the pi$$ out of him cos he's such a gentle soul.

[Mr Nobody]

YOu can say piss, Newbs. The robot doesn't know we are taking the urine.

[Crippler]

daoding said:

YOu can say piss, Newbs. The robot doesn't know we are taking the urine.

But Newbs is so polite!!!

[woza17]

Newbs many years ago Mr N wrote the dialog for Dungeons and Dragons.

loves hurts but real love between you and god never hurts. Now if you and god can set up house and have a full sexual relationship and share your life on a sentinel level.
My point
which part hurts?
That you felt you were so close to someone and they shat in your face you gave from your deepdown?

That hurts

[con's fly is open]

Most of us get our heart ripped out our ass at some point. Seems there's just a requisite of pure suffering you have to wade through before you move on. I learned a lot from my disasters, but none of them involve shortcuts.

[Mr Nobody]

I have learned two things.

One is that when you expose your heart it hurts like the bejesus when something goes wrong, and your whole life feels like poo.

The other is that if you don't, life is worse.

[George61]

I have learnt one thing...Woza's posts are so m'kayingly, wonderfully, incoherent!

[Jollyjunklass]

Juggler,

I say carry on for a bit, relationships can get pretty demanding around here. Go out and have some fun, give it time. Time is a great healer. If you feel lonely well than that is another issue. Grab someone for the moment but make it clear no strings attached, if that is possible around here.

There are many women out there who will pick you up just because your a foreigner, never mind the visa and the cash. It goes on here everyday, all the guys here are single and are constantly swarmed, no matter what their looks or personalities are. So you have a lot of choice out there. You can do the picking. So sit back and relax.

[Wolf]

daoding said:

The other is that if you don't, life is worse.

Well, I wasn't going to jump into this thread, but I'm not so sure about this statement.

I've never been in love. Never even "dated." But when I look around at people I know who are recovering from bad relationships; I cannot help but feel grateful that I don't have to deal with that.

Sure I'm lonely and all that. But I've seen the alternative up as close as I want it to get.

Take time to heal. Don't worry about setting up another relationship right now. Normally I keep my lifestyle to myself; but I think that a casual physical relationship while your hurting will do you more harm than good.

Do something else -anything else - with your life for the time being. You'll know when you're ready for more.

The only thing I've learned in this matter is "trust your instincts."

[Lotus Eater]

Relationships are a pain. But as a friend of mine has just sent to me:
"there's no better feeling in the world than waking up beside someone you made passionate love with the night before knowing they'd happily give their all for you
alone. No short term liaisons can match that feeling. "

But these are RARE!! Worth looking for, worth working for.

But as another friend says: "You have to kiss an awful lot of frogs before you find a prince".

But for any type of relationship to work, you have to be ready for it. Carrying hurt, pain, anger from a dead relationship will kill any new one you attempt to develop. DON"T get serious until that is as cleared as it will ever be. And it could take years.

[woza17]

Did George just insult me or compliment me?

[Crippler]

woza17 said:

Did George just insult me or compliment me?

I think it was a complimentary insult! Or, an insultive compliment? Actually, George may not be sure himself and is covering all his bases!!

[con's fly is open]

Wolf, I hear you on the casual dating/sex angle. I just hope your eyes are open to the people you drift through your life. You do not have to commit to marriage when you embark on a love affair.