|
Post by Mr Nobody on Oct 1, 2006 17:09:28 GMT 7
I was being sarcastic, a poor form of humour I admit.
To tell the truth, the things I hear aren't too encouraging. Drunken wife-beaters who continually have affairs, dump their wives if they have a daughter and shacking up with other women all the time. No wonder they view westerners as better. All the movies show us as good husbands and lovers.
|
|
|
Post by phets72 on Oct 2, 2006 14:56:51 GMT 7
Re Lotus's post #22.
I think your post was great Lotus!
Regards Steph
|
|
|
Post by joe on Oct 3, 2006 2:04:43 GMT 7
To tell the truth, the things I hear aren't too encouraging. Drunken wife-beaters who continually have affairs, dump their wives if they have a daughter and shacking up with other women all the time. No wonder they view westerners as better. All the movies show us as good husbands and lovers. I've heard similar things from many people, particularly foreign men. I strongly, and deeply suspect it is self-serving crap. The significant disadvantage we, as foreign men, pose in relationship with Chinese women (and I suspect as foreign women pose for Chinese men) is substantial compared to the significant advantage Chinese men offer just because they are Chinese. There is a whole other world out there, the Chinese world, that we rarely see, unless for example we have as genuine close friends a married couple of some years standing. Or, I suppose, unless one marries into a family and learns to speak for oneself rather than using the indentured translator. But I could be wrong. I hain't married.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Nobody on Oct 3, 2006 17:58:31 GMT 7
What I have heard is from local women. I haven't heard it from foreigners, since I have never discussed this with them.
|
|
|
Post by joe on Oct 3, 2006 18:34:14 GMT 7
As has been discussed before, Chinese are adept at keeping secrets. As has also been discussed before, foreigners have experiences that make them think Chinese trust them way more than they trust their friends, and we get told stuff, sometimes horrible things.
But a prejudice I have grown into is that Chinese rarely believe that completeness is an important part of being truthful. So I tend to take it for granted that what I get told is incomplete. Not least of all because I find it hard to imagine the average Chinese as having very much insight into their own culture. If they do make a study of their own culture they are apt to recieve propagandised versions of reality, or are apt to *make up* propaganising versions of their own realities. I suspect this is not entirely a matter of Chinese politics. As has been discussed before, Chinese do get behind their own nationalisim quite easily.
So whether it comes from them or us, I tend to suspect these received views.
The flip side is Chinese are apt to *do* a lot for one (as opposed to saying a lot to one).
And I offer my apologies for the tone of the writing above if you have been privy to sad stories and know and admire the people who have had to tell them. Someone's suffering is different from my view of their (and our) cultural practices.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Nobody on Oct 3, 2006 19:56:40 GMT 7
You don't know my circumstances. But, since I am not prepared to tell much about it, you will have to either trust or doubt me when I say that I believe what these women are saying is true, and I have reason to believe it. However, much of the details are private. And it isn't me they are telling. I am getting it because my wife wants to discuss it to get some perspective on it.
I am married to someone who is both Chinese and is helping these people, some of whom she has known for decades. They have no reason to lie or even to distort info, more than 'normal' people anyway. I can produce stats more than likely, since I think my wife keeps records for a study she was talking about, although the numbers so far aren't much more than, I think, 30 people. Her last study, a number of years ago on the sexual behaviour of high school girls, won a national prize.
However, the infomation is pretty damning. What is worse is that they don't give the same reasons on the official paperwork most times.
|
|
|
Post by joe on Oct 3, 2006 23:56:59 GMT 7
Dude, I accept what you say. I offer my small apologies to those women.
(And just to be clear, when I say "small" I mean I am distant from the fact. The rest of the things I believe come only from a limited experience.)
|
|
|
Post by Mr Nobody on Oct 4, 2006 0:39:08 GMT 7
No worries. I realize circumstances are different. I just wanted to show that perhaps, well at least here in a limited sense, the stories of the drunken baijiu swilling wife-bashing bastards who live with younger women and think that a woman having a daughter is a reason for the previous, and divorce, are rife. I mean, really rife. Most divorcees and women with er, seperation problems are due to this, at least around here.
Happy happy marriage in the new century. They all ask my wife how to find a foriegn husband simply because I haven't beaten her up yet.
|
|
|
Post by con's fly is open on Oct 10, 2006 1:37:52 GMT 7
You can always trust someone to be true to their nature. So trust can be measured by how much you understand them. So dating a local comes with greater risk: there are both the language and cultural differences to obscure understanding between 2 people. I'll bet the divorce rate of Sino-laowai couples badly outstrips both those of Chinese couples, and, say, Canadian couples.
|
|
|
Post by solongtinik on Oct 11, 2006 9:17:24 GMT 7
>>And of course you can have 'evilish' motives as well - he could have helped you learn Chinese and he could show you the real side of your city that other foreigners don't know.<<
lotus,
===i was never interested in chinese language...how can he even teach me chinese if the only thing he can say is "whats ur name?" and "poo man"
===i've discovered places by myself...my head was really stricken when i went to another city the 2nd day of my arrival in china
...i enjoy doing things on my own
|
|
|
Post by con's fly is open on Oct 12, 2006 0:29:13 GMT 7
We laowai make great confidants: who are we gonna blab to? Plus we are more open-minded and less judgmental about many things. I'm sure we're less open-minded and more judgmental about other things, but they've got their Chinese friends for that.
Amazing how liberating it is to talk about your poo with someone who's not at all connected to your life. Done it many times myself.
|
|
|
Post by Justashooter on Oct 12, 2006 18:18:33 GMT 7
Amazing how liberating it is to talk about your poo with someone who's not at all connected to your life. Done it many times myself. somewhat the purpose of this forum? done it myself. when i find myself in times of troubles anybody comes to me gets the whole damn story let it be let it be
for though they may be strangers they are kind enough to listen to me talking 'bout my troubles let it be let it be
|
|
|
Post by Mr Nobody on Oct 12, 2006 18:50:00 GMT 7
Timely, too. John Lennon's assassin didn't make parole, again. Another 2-3 years before the next one.And it was Lennon's birthday was a couple of days ago I think.
|
|