I AM ESCAPING!!!

[Escaped Lunatic]

After contemplating this whole concept for about 2 years, and after a number of close encounters that didn't quite work out, I am incredibly pleased to announce that . . .

I'M COMING TO CHINA NEXT MONTH!!!


Non-Dave has agreed to enslave employ me. The contract is excellent (except the part about having to "donate" both kidneys - I'm still trying to talk him into an extra 50 RMB a week to cover dialysis). I'm told the apartment has excellent amenities (my very own pair of chopsticks and all the tools necessary to catch, kill, skin, and cook a civet).

I am SOOO happy!




I've even been saving a quote for the day I could finally make this post.

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
- Confucius

[Dragonsaver]

Congradulations. Wise decision. Non-Dave better treat you right - we know where he lives!!!!!

I hope China is everything you hope it will be!!!

[teleplayer]

Congrats, EL Wishing you the best. We want pictures and stories, and of course, the recipe for "Floridian Civet."

[Escaped Lunatic]

Thanks Dragonsaver and Teleplayer!

>We want pictures and stories

I really need to get some uploaded. I went over to the Cape today and got a couple of great pics in the rocket garden.

Oh wait. You want pics of China, right? But you already know what China looks like.

>the recipe for "Floridian Civet."

I have a confession. Although I could never handle eating cat or dog (my pets would never forgive me), I've been developing an increasingly intense curiosity regarding what a civet burger would really taste like.




"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
- Rita Rudner

[George61]

Goodonya, Loonie. We await your arrival with baited breaths. Non-Dave is ok, as long as you pay him his 500 kuai each month.

[Newbs]

Good on you EL. All the best, trust it goes well, enjoy the pijiu, make sure you take in the May Day Conference (ahem) and don't talk to any strange Georges.

One more lunatic running loose in China probably won't be noticed.

[Jollyjunklass]

Well EL,

Good for you, I hope you have a ball. Two years is a long time in the waiting. I wished for 6 months and that felt long and actually a little unbelievable. I just went with the motions, never truly believing it would materialize. So I know how you feel.

Lol, no insult to Florida, but I think they mean pictures of China. You can't really say you know what it looks like because evrywhere is sooooo different.

Have a safe and easy trip here, I experienced a nightmare getting here which is the reason why I will never get on the plane in order to return home.

[Ruth]

Hey, Lunatic, that is GREAT news. You'll be in Dongguan before us. Don't blow it up, okay? (I'm thinking of your ant episode) 'cause Crippler and I will be arriving in early January.

Not sure what arrangement George has with Non-Dave (500 seems a little high, but I've never been roommates with either of them ). Non-Dave is more than okay. One of the nicest guys I've met in a long time. How many hours a week will the slave-driver he be working you?

[AMonk]

Congratulations on your Happy Landing _{I am so-o jealous}

[kzel81]

Congrats!!!
Two years is a long time to wait. I'm already hanging to get over there, and I've only been seriously actioning things in the last six months.

[Crippler]

Lunatic, don't begrudge the kidneys, they are for me! It was the condition of my joining him in dongguan that I could drink my own to exhaustion and he would find me another pair. Cool that you decided to donate them.. Thanks a bunch. And the 500 kuai every day, week, monthonce in awhile will let him and I drink, eat, party hold business meetings so we can wastefind more work for you to earn a living for us yourself.


welcome aboard look forward to meeting you!

[solongtinik]

ok! so we're just waitin for TELEPLAYER right? or with AMONK too?

EL is here to pamper me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Raoul Duke]

Ya know, purely by coincidence I was on Google Earth, viewing areas of Florida, as Loony was making his announcement.

I think this is an image of his house shortly afterwards:

[Dragonsaver]

Awesome picture. WOW

[Escaped Lunatic]

>EL is here to pamper me!!!!!!

That would be so much easier to accomplish if you would quit hiding out in the icey cold northlands.
Come down to Guangdong. Me love you long time.

(Even longer time if I can figure out the Chinese character for Viagra )

>I think this is an image of his house shortly afterwards

Yep. Just before that, I was saying "And may the Almighty strike me down with a bolt of His divine wrath if I don't go to China."





I'm leeeeavin' on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.

[Raoul Duke]

Hey, let me know if you get that word for Viagra.
I want to learn the phrase "I'd like a box of Viagra...and your telephone number!" to use in local pharmacies.

[Non-Dave]

Well folks, enjoy having E.L aound while you still can. When he gts here he won't have much time away from his little shanty for stuff like chatting on-line - he's gonna be BUSY!

Some people are so gullible! I love it.

(E.L.: Please disregard the above ribbing. Everything will be fine. They are installing the hot-tub in your penthouse apartment today and I'm interviewing about 30 models for the position of "Personal Massage Therapist, oral Chinese Instuctor and Personal Assistant" as specified in your contract. )

[Escaped Lunatic]

Guess I should get some pics in advance showing my current collection of scars so Non-Dave can't claim the whip marks were already there.





“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”
- Jack Handy
Hey ND, I have a question for you.

[Crippler]

dave said:

Well folks, enjoy having E.L aound while you still can. When he gts here he won't have much time away from his little shanty for stuff like chatting on-line - he's gonna be BUSY!

Some people are so gullible! I love it.

(E.L.: Please disregard the above ribbing. Everything will be fine. They are installing the classroom in your one-room apartment today and I'm interviewing about 30 grandmothers for the position of "Cook, oral hygienist and Personal bodyguard" as specified in your contract. )

Hey Dave you said I got the hot-tub! And my contract includes Gong Li!

[Escaped Lunatic]

>Hey Dave you said I got the hot-tub! And my contract includes Gongyi!

But the hot-tub is in my contract too! Maybe Dave got a 2 for 1 deal with Hot-tubs-R-Us??

You can have Gongyi (who?). I want Gong Li and also the incredibly lovely Helen Feng from CCTV-9.



“In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.”
- Scott Adams (as quoted in the Non-Dave Employee Handbook)

[Crippler]

I think he mentioned to me he had learned how to clone. And there are many clones of Gong Li, Helen Feng and other chinese beauties.

[Dajiang]

she's a robot though. (Helen Feng)

[Escaped Lunatic]

>she's a robot though. (Helen Feng)

I know. I spend way too much time playing with the combat models, so I can spot a bot from quite a ways off.

However, I do believe she's the loveliest bot ever built.




"I'm just a love machine
And I won't work for nobody but you"
- Wham!

[Newbs]

loony said:

Guess I should get some pics in advance showing my current collection of scars so Non-Dave can't claim the whip marks were already there.

Good idea, and post them in the photo album so we can all see 'em.

[Crippler]

You do know of course that Non-Dave has been trained in all the dark arts of how to inflict pain and leave no marks!