Marriage advice. Uh-oh

[Shane]

Hope this is in the right place. ;D

I'm getting married to my Chinese sweetheart this year, but to be honest, I have no idea what proceedings I need to go through. I've got to get my arse in gear though, so I'm wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction of a website or something that can tell me what I need to do.

It seems that the rules change every now and then, and it's hard to keep up. An AIDS test used to be required, but I've heard that there isn't even a medical now. Is that true? And do I still need to get a letter from a solicitor in the UK (I'm English) proving that I am single?

So many questions, so many headaches! Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated- go!

[Raoul Duke]

Hi Shane!

Marriage is handled by the cities, so regulations can be a little different in different places. Where are you located?

You will have to go to the town where your fiancee's houkou (sort of like ID plus) is registered. If you are already there or nearby, your fiancee can do the initial application. If not, her family can do much of it for you if they are willing.

You will most likely need to get a physical exam. Usually not a big deal- blood test, chest x-ray, EKG, fill out forms attesting that you've never had mange or distemper. I don't think you have to travel to the home town for this as long as you use a hospital authorized to perform these checkups, but have the fiancee check the local rules for her city.

You need to visit your Consulate and ask them to give you a statement that you are legally available to marry. This means as in not already married. It is of course bullpoo and the Consulates know it...this generally takes about 2 minutes to get this.

If you are divorced, here's the hard part: you will need an ORIGINAL or NOTARIZED OFFICIAL COPY of your divorce papers from your previous marriage. This includes separate child support documents etc. if any. If you didn't happen to bring this with you, it can be difficult to obtain. You may also be asked to provide a Chinese translation of these documents- if so they mean an official translation; your girlfriend can't do it for you. Any city should have document translation services. If you have never married before, you don't have to fool with this.

When the big day arrives, you'll need to bring in all your docs- passport, residence permit, etc. You may get fingerprinted. The official part of getting married in China is sort of like getting a driver's licence and about as romantic. Don't expect a lot of ceremony- you walk in single, tea is consumed and red stamps fly, and you walk out legally married.

These things seem to be the general template. Again, ask your fiancee to get the details for her home town...there may be some variations.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Oh, and welcome to the Saloon!
Raoul

[Raoul Duke]

I just thought of something else. When you go in to the Marriage Office to finalize the deal, you will need to bring in some small photos of the two of you together. These will go into the small red books that comprise your marriage certificates, and some will be kept for the office records.

Go to a wedding photography shop, of which most cities seem to have 3 for every 5 residents. They will know what to do.

[Shane]

Cheers for all that mate! Although Viv isn't from here (Dalian), her hukou is registered here. That makes things nice and easy for us. There's only one snag: I have to go all the way to beijing (ten hours on the train) for a form that takes two minutes to obtain! That sucks!!

Anyway, now I'm a little clearer, and for that I am grateful to you.

[Raoul Duke]

Any time, Shane...

Are you sure you have to go to BJ? Doesn't the UK have a Consulate in Shenyang...or maybe even have the form available for downloading?

On our woefully underutilized Links page (it's in the Library) there is a link to a huge list of Embassies and Consulates. If you haven't already done so, get the scoop from your Embassy!

[Shane]

Oops, forgot about those links I'll check them out! I did try emailing the embassy - twice - got got nothing back, surprise surprise.

As you suggested, there must be a form available for download. I'll see what they've got on the site. I'm not sure that there's a consulate in SY; I do know there's an American one, but no idea about a British one.

Thanks again, Raoul!

[Shane]

Hot dang! Those links were great! I checked one out (in particular this one), and found that there is a British Consulate here in Dalian! That is so sweet! ;D

[Raoul Duke]

Cool!
I hope it's still there...the British Embassy site doesn't list one there or in Shenyang. There was also no provision to download the form...

If you haven't already seen it, you might want to check out the information here: www.uk.cn/bj/index.asp?menu_id=2&artid=40&q=marriage.

Man...being British is expensive!

[Raoul Duke]

Shane,
I hate to bring you down, but either you've misinterpreted that page or I've missed something. I only see a British Consulate listed there for Shanghai.

The only Consulate I see there for Dalian is Japan, who used to own Dalian and apparently wanted to keep a little piece of it. I hope I'm the one that's wrong...

[Shane]

Raoul said:

Shane,
I hate to bring you down, but either you've misinterpreted that page or I've missed something. I only see a British Consulate listed there for Shanghai.

The only Consulate I see there for Dalian is Japan, who used to own Dalian and apparently wanted to keep a little piece of it. I hope I'm the one that's wrong...

Damnit! I got so carried away that I didn't notice the Consulate was in Shanghai, not Dalian! I really need my eyes checked.

So it looks like I DO have to go to Beijing, not once, but TWICE. As you said Raoul, being British is expensive - still, that's something I'm used to; we've been ripped off for years!

[con's fly is open]

Dude, you're my hero. Any tips on marrying a national?

[Raoul Duke]

Thanks Con!

No, I know you weren't asking me, but my advice is: get a prescription for Valium. Shane's lucky...you can buy Valium over the counter in Dalian.

I've often heard it said that Chinese women make the world's best girlfriends...and the world's worst wives. There is often perhaps a grain of truth in this statement.

(Shane, I've just had the mother of bad experiences in this field. Your mileage may vary. I sincerely hope it do.)

[Roger]

"...the world's best girlfriends and the world's worst wives..." - pretty much sums up the general impressions.

And, Shane, I want to come back to that health check issue: I guess mixed marriages still need a medical check. For Chinese, it has been stopped being compulsory but the government would like to reintroduce it, and in some places they are offering free checks now to stop wrong peoplefrom reproducing offspring...
Your reproductive potential will play some part in the medical examination. And, of course, your health, both mental and physical.

All vital documents - birth cert, passport details, statement of being unmarried (is that the title? I forgot!) have to be translated into Chinese and notarised. For the latter, you simply go to a notary public.

I have informally learnt that it is possible to sign an agreement between the two future spouses defining your rights and duties and ownership rights. The latter may be very important if you plan on buying a property!

[Shane]

I'm not sure Viv is going to be a bad wife; we've been together for over three years now, and she's never shown any warning signs ;D

In any case, thanks for the further advice guys, although I'm not too keen on the thought of having my birth certificate posted to me (it's still at home in the UK), as the English postal service is absolutely awful. I'm sure it'll probably get lost, adding to the fun

Viv went for a job interview today, and one of her competitors is also married to an English guy here in Dalian, so we can now hook up with them and get some advice, which is quite lucky.

Hmm... I think I might stick a photo of Viv and I in the photo forum for you guys to see (and make fun of)

[Dr. Gonzo]

I seem to recall [its 8 years now] that I didn't have to supply evidence of a divorce: just that I was free to marry. This was sent to the Chinese Embassy in Canberra, who promptly lost it. Months and dollars later, all went without a hitch. Well, yes, *I was hitched. A medical, yes. I hear its been dropped for Chinese nationals, but for foreigners who knows. Its a great fund raiser, so probably not.
In my experience, Chinese ladies view themselves as matrimonial managers, if not proprietors. They'll get a handle on finances, hire and fire household help, make social arrangements, all without much consultation. This can be a blessing or a curse, dependant on their managerial style.
Just be aware: as a foreigners wife, they must lead a lifestlye that is appropriate. The 3Y noodle bar may not satisfy them, or the 5Y "black" taxi, as they now have considerable FACE to maintain.
And I suggest your wife stays employed. It'll keep her out of the clothes shops and away from mahjong for money parties.

[Shane]

Man, I'm not sure my wife to be is really Chinese, from all of your descriptions!! She is currently in her last year at university (she graduates in June; we'll get married after that), but has been working for the last few months. She isn't really worried about face, and doesn't know the first thing about mahjong, or controlling a household!

<Sickly> She is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman I've ever met. We've been together for over three years now, and apart from the various 'getting-to-know-each-other-glitches' in the early stages, we hardly ever bicker. Her English is top notch, which also helps. </sickly> ;D

[Dr. Gonzo]

Man, I'm not sure my wife to be is really Chinese, from all of your descriptions!! She is currently in her last year at university (she graduates in June; we'll get married after that), but has been working for the last few months. She isn't really worried about face, and doesn't know the first thing about mahjong, or controlling a household; said Shane.
Mate, there is a gene, or maybe microchip that will kick in soon.
I'm still happy in my marriage, wOZ from oZ too. Don't worry. She sounds good.
ps: did you meet her in high school? [no offence]

[Shane]

Dr. said:

ps: did you meet her in high school? [no offence]

None taken

I actually met her on QQ, via one of my uni students at the time. He was her high school classmate, and he happened to mention to her online, that he was chatting with me. He gave her my number, and we began to chat. The rest is history...

[con's fly is open]

You harvested a student? We're allowed to do that!?

[Ruth]

Whoa there, Con. She wasn't HIS student. There are some major boundary issues there, at least as far as I'm concerned. Nothing wrong with dating a university student who isn't dependent upon you for passing grades. Crippler snagged me when I was a uni student (or maybe I chased him). Our versions of the story vary.

Congratulations Shane. Best wishes to you and Viv and I hope all the details get worked out smoothly before the big day.

[Shane]

Thanks a lot, Ruth! Viv certainly isn't dependent on me to help her gain good grades - I sat down with her a few days ago and went through a mock listening test for today's TEM-8 exam. She got a better score than I did!

[Raoul Duke]

Shane said:

I sat down with her a few days ago and went through a mock listening test for today's TEM-8 exam. She got a better score than I did!

You're Australian, right?

[Shane]

Raoul said:

You're Australian, right?

Err..yeah. That's right, I'm, err.. Australian. ;D

[Newbs]

Err..yeah. That's right, I'm, err.. Australian.

Sniff, sniff. I think I smell a rat. Shane, I have my doubts about your nationality. For one thing, there's just not enough errs, and no ums or ahs, in the above posting. I can understand you wanting to become an Australian, heaven knows, the reasons are obvious enough, but not just anyone can rock up and become an Australian. If you don't believe me ask our esteemed leader. (That's a reference to John Howard, not George in case you're wondering.)

It reminds me of the true story about a foreigner whose nationality I had better not disclose. (Ah, what the heck, he was a pom.) He came to Australia and liked it so much that he decided to become an Australian. One day he was sitting in a bar when he mentioned this to the barman. The barman said, "Son, to become an Australian you have to do three things in very quick succession. Drink a dozen cans of Foster's Lager, make love to an Australian and shoot a kangaroo."
"Okay." says the pom, and quickly puts away a dozen Fosters Lager. He then wanders out of the pub, a little unsteadily. About three hours later he comes back in, all cut, bruised and bloodied.

"All right fellas, now where's the Australian I've got to shoot?"

[Raoul Duke]

Shane, just read in one of the old Shanghai Daily issues that eventually trickles into my quiet and obscure little Suzhou neighborhood that the British Consulate is setting up new visa application centers across the country within about a month. Selected cities are Hangzhou, Nanjing, Shenyang (!), Wuhan, Chengdu, Fuzhou, Jinan, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen.

Just for fun, the price for a visa from these facilities will be 220 yuan higher than it will be from the main Consulates.

Hope this isn't too late.

On the same page, another option for meeting and marrying that dream woman: a Chongqing man was charged with abducting a 19-year-old Nanjing woman, bringing her to Shanghai and forcing her to marry a middle-aged migrant worker.

Current market price of a 19-year-old Nanjing girl: 3200 RMB.

Both men have been arrested and charged.

Notable quote: '"As far as we know, there are very few cases of woman (sic) being abducted because Shanghai has a more developed economy and culture than other areas. Few men are so poor that they must buy a wife for themselves," said Cai Lanzhen of the Shanghai Women's Federation.' Now that's progress!

Also on the same page: Shanghai is erecting security-glass screens along the platform aprons in its Metro stations, in a bid to prevent suicides. Seems a waste of money in a perfect society, if you ask me.