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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 17, 2005 21:44:45 GMT 7
Mortally wounded? Me? Where? When? I can't find any evidence unnhhhh.....<crash> No, only joking. I'm full of cheap red wine and hashish, George, and never felt better in my life. Such desperate and pathetic bushwa, George, even by your standards. Americans do not, repeat NOT, envy Australia. We like Australia, mainly because it's far away and isn't (yet) full of swarthy men clutching AK-47s and wearing kitchen drapes on their heads. We find your accents, which we learned from the fine documentary film Crocodile Dundee, quaint and amusing but we at least appreciate the fact that you've all sort of learned to speak English for our convenience. We also admire your beer cans the size of motor oil containers, and your suicidally psychotic TV nature show hosts. And you do not threaten us in any sports that any of us give a rat's ass about. And that's about the size of it, really. Envy? Please. Oh, sure, we did envy you, for a very brief period back in the 1970s when the film On The Beach revealed that in the case of global thermonuclear armageddon, people in Australia would outsurvive us for a few months. However, altering a few lines of computer code over at Strategic Air Command HQ fixed that little problem for us.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 17, 2005 22:02:19 GMT 7
I hope you realize, sport, what we mean, sport, when we call you sport, sport?
Sport = mutant. It is recognition of the Usanian fine contribution to the evolution of humanity.
G'day, sport.
Heh.
We are chuffed about the whole nuclear winter thing. There is nothing your so called strategic air command can do about the shear zone, losers. Bring it on. Please bomb canberra. Cheer us up.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 17, 2005 22:05:25 GMT 7
Sorry, was that mildly inflamatory? blame it on the irish streak and 85 pints of guiness. Happy St Guiness Day to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 17, 2005 23:10:46 GMT 7
Yer all right, pal. Actually, you were mildly inflammatory but you put it in the current designated mildly inflammatory thread. Actually, when being serious I'm pretty chuffed about that nuclear winter thing meself. I'm even chuffed about the Strategic Air Command, for that matter.
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 4:13:47 GMT 7
Not a bad idea. If you suggested that to your Shrubbery, he might go along with it. No need to remind him of his little dog Howard. He's probably forgotten. Canberra is the acne spot on the face of Australia. Like acne, it is full of pus, and needs to be squeezed. Notice that Raoul is now starting to puff and bluster? I think we've got'im.
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 5:08:19 GMT 7
Two quotes from Todays Sydney Morning Herald.......Ah, 'mericans,you gotta love'm....
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motis
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Post by motis on Mar 18, 2005 5:51:31 GMT 7
Ha ha, I get it, George! She was stupid because she left the States to go to Australia, and was flying Qantas to boot! MY GOD WHAT A MORON. Brilliant story.
Welcome to our side, and congratulations on seeing the light at last. I knew you'd be joining us eventually... the incredible irony of your boasting about Aussie wines, which you immediately followed up with fifty metric tons of intensely sour grapes, was a dead giveaway.
I'll ask someone to show you how to work the register and refill the shake machine. Don't forget to wear your McUniform!
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 6:18:23 GMT 7
Aha! I see. Only "stupid" Americans leave the US. I get it. Anyone in America who wants to see the outside world is a moron. That explains a lot of what has been going on, on this board. Chinese are "imprisoned" because of regulations and lack of money whilst Americans are "imprisoned" by lack of interest. Motis, my boy, thank you for helping me understand.
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 6:21:29 GMT 7
Selective quotes are the fuel that feeds this thread. Long live selective quotes! But no cut and paste jobbies, please.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 18, 2005 7:31:59 GMT 7
Have you ever noticed that any discussion even vaguely resembling this one that includes Usanians ends up "We got the bomb, OK?" as soon as they run out of things they are better at. Which is usually a short list. (unfortunately i can't think of what we can do back if they do drop the bomb on us. Maybe force them to have Rolf Harris? Would that keep the detente? We would have to ship him from the uk, though.) But i like the no tuesdays idea. I say we go for it. Or maybe mondays. Put in maybe an extra sunday. Or two. Maybe an extra sunday instead of Wednesday, right in the middle of the week where it is needed? Hm. There are definitely possibilities here.
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 18, 2005 12:20:35 GMT 7
any discussion even vaguely resembling this one that includes Usanians ends up "We got the bomb, OK?" as soon as they run out of things they are better at. This is what the bomb is FOR, silly. It lengthens the list that one last critical extra notch. Raoul, not starting to puff and bluster despite desperate assertions to the contrary.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 18, 2005 13:08:16 GMT 7
Damn. Now i want one too. Anybody know any Russian arms dealers?
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 18, 2005 13:30:39 GMT 7
You know, this is a splendid idea. There are lots of Russians here who I am sure could connect us with some cheap fissionables. I hereby propose that Raoul's China ESL Saloon become the first and only EFL forum with first-strike nuclear capability. Let's pass the hat! Who says we're all just a bunch of talk?
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Post by motis on Mar 18, 2005 13:41:25 GMT 7
Have you ever noticed that any discussion even vaguely resembling this one that includes Usanians ends up "We got the bomb, OK?" as soon as they run out of things they are better at. Lots of countries have the bomb... but we United Statesians INVENTED the bomb. And rock 'n' roll. And movies. And the airplane. And light bulbs. And the automobile. And the assembly line. And the bikini. And television. And the telephone. And civil rights. And LSD-25. And the Internet. Penecillin. Viagra. The WonderBra. The electric guitar. Genetic engineering. Probably Vegemite as well, since Kraft is a US-based company, although 99.9999% of us don't have the sense to eat it ourselves (I am the only American who likes the stuff). We put men on the Moon, and are now busily exploring Mars by remote control. 80% of all charity money on Earth flows from American pockets... we are a river to the poor and hungry, so much so that when a bunch of people halfway around the world get slammed with a tsunami, they actually feel it appropriate to COMPLAIN that we aren't giving them enough free money to help, uh, tide them over. This is just the tip of the iceberg, of course... I could go on all day. Suffice it to say that bringing up the bomb is far from a last resort, as we will NEVER run out of things we are better at than you Aussies. The best you can ever do is put on your wishing caps and ape us, an example of which I just saw last night at the pub, when someone threw on a DVD of some Aussie concert called LONG WAY TO THE TOP featuring a bunch of old has-beens playing the songs that made them famous (if being well-known only in Australia can be called "famous"). Those that weren't playing AMERICAN music were playing POMMY tunes... hell, the Twilights made an entire career (in Australia, not anywhere else) by doing Beatles covers, and the Beatles were of course merely an Anglicized reflection of American music in the first place. My god, you owe us so much. Even if we only talk about music, you're forever in our debt... and what have you yourselves produced that's worth mentioning? AC/DC? Oh, please... a mediocre little band at best, composing songs easily playable by any 15-year-old who has mastered his barre chords. Midnight Oil? Barely made a dent in any country where it counts... most Yanks have never even heard of them. Do you have any other bands in Australia? Aside from the ones that do covers of Otis Redding and the Beatles, I mean.
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 18, 2005 14:26:25 GMT 7
Ladies and Gentlemen, Now that we've got it out of our systems, please allow me to suggest that we cease our nationalistic chest-pounding and stop bashing each other's countries. It's all just meant in fun anyway, right? Right? Let's all admit that all of our countries have stuff that's wonderful and stuff that sucks. We're all equals here and we're all brothers and sisters, united together under the relentless oppression of the Chinese educational system. We should focus our energies on the things that bring us together- - booze, sex, and having a ripping good time - finding ways to cope with this weird-ass country we live in now - developing our nascent nuclear arsenal - joining together in pissing all over the Chinese educational system. Can we hunh? Please?
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 18, 2005 14:28:30 GMT 7
Ladies and Gentlemen, Now that we've got it out of our systems, please allow me to suggest that we cease our nationalistic chest-pounding and stop bashing each other's countries. It's all just meant in fun anyway, right? Right? Let's all admit that all of our countries have stuff that's wonderful and stuff that sucks. We're all equals here and we're all brothers and sisters, united together under the relentless oppression of the Chinese educational system. We should focus our energies on the things that bring us together- - booze, sex, and having a ripping good time - finding ways to cope with this weird-ass country we live in now - developing our nascent nuclear arsenal - joining together in pissing all over the Chinese educational system. Can we hunh? Please?
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Post by Hamish on Mar 18, 2005 15:13:10 GMT 7
Lots of countries have the bomb... but we United Statesians INVENTED the bomb. Actually, the bomb was invented by people who fled to the US from Europe. In particular, it was Einstein, a refuge from the m'kaying Nazis, that established the validity of the project with FDR and got the ball rolling. I’m not sure inventing the bomb is something to be proud of anyway. The beginning of the bomb may be the beginning of the end for humanity. The play is not over yet. Some suicidal rich people who hate our gaudy guts have, or soon will have, a “device” of their own. THAT may be the end of the play. It is widely remarked that the US gave away the most important secret when it detonated the first bomb. It let the world know that the idea worked. I am not proud of that. It was really invented by dispossessed black people who had no life beyond the front stoop of their shack hammering away at their homemade guitar. White people marketed it, but people who were not accepted members of the citizenry invented it. R&R is African. IMHO most American movies suck. big time. Go back as far as you want. John Wayne is the American image of manhood due to the crap we have pumped out. Most Americans think the US won the Second World War in Europe because that’s what they saw at the drive in. It was going to be born about that time somewhere. Lots of people in Europe had figured the thing out. In fact, Leonardo's design has been built and tested. It flew rather well, and was a little earlier that Kitty Hawk. But it was Charles P. Steinmetz who invented the Alternating Current that made light bulbs feasible. Steinmetz was a German. The light bulb was obvious. But it took the Europeans and Japanese to make a good automobile after our marketing and design people lost their minds. There are many people living and dead who will challenge the assertion that the assembly line was a good idea. Damned good idea! I hope it was ours. That has changed the world for sure. But, for the better? There is a dispute about this. Manzetti, an Italian, is said to have invented the device much earlier than Bell. Just not true! Slavery was abolished in Europe long before we Yanks finally killed each other over the issue. To this day it is ridiculous to claim that minorities and woman have equal standing in the US. It is bad elsewhere also, but we are a long way from being able to brag on this issue. My drug of choice as a tad. Truly a wonderful contribution for those who have the ability to stand up to it. Yep. Sir Alexander Fleming, a Scot, invented penicillin in 1928. Gives me a headache. Aren’t we supposed to be talking about GOOD things here? Bras suck. I dunno. I’ve heard Keith Richards say that he and the rest of the Stones came up with the idea. I dunno. Maybe Paul Tutmarc, an Hawaiian did it. Crick and his two Brit friends established the practical grounding for this stuff. Blllll aaaaa wwth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Donkey pucky in a jar. With mathematics from England and scientists from Nazi Germany. Tom Lederer(Sp?), “Vunce the rockets are up, who cares vair dey come down. That’s not my department’ “ says Werner Von Braun.” All done with British mathematics. Actually, in contributions as a percentage of GNP the US ranks WAY DOWN the list of nations. We flatter ourselves by thinking that we give a lot. But, for the US, what we give is pocket change. If my neighbor here in the complex gives me a 100-yuan dinner, he is REALLY showing sacrifice and respect. If I give him a 100-yuan dinner, I am doing it with pin money.
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 15:38:38 GMT 7
Yeah, goodonya, Hamish. I reckon you and I are the only two sane blokes in this bar. But you got a couple wrong.. Television was invented by John Logie Baird..a Pommy. The bikini was invented in Australia, of course. Vegemite was invented in Australia, but by a Yank!
...and a little help from my sister, and to a minor extent, me. (see the Virtual Reality thread)
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Post by George61 on Mar 18, 2005 15:41:23 GMT 7
Quite right, Raoul. I knew you would throw in the towel eventually. But you are right....booze, sex, and a good time. We have the best booze, the cutest girls and we REALLY know how to have a good time.
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 18, 2005 15:45:46 GMT 7
, Hamish my boy, I use the bra as an indicator of how good a lover will be - if he can take off my bra neatly with panache etc, he has a vote of confidence from me to start with! You guys may find them in the way, but for my part I have given them a useful purpose in life.
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Post by motis on Mar 18, 2005 16:43:04 GMT 7
Actually, the bomb was invented by people who fled to the US from Europe. And who subsequently became Americans. Anyway, the bomb was invented by a whole lot of people (the Manhattan Project workers), most of whom were Americans. Let's not give all the credit to the people who came up with the theory... that's a far cry from doing all the work, and those people, though immigrants, were also Americans anyway. In particular, it was Einstein, a refuge from the m'kaying Nazis ...who became an American citizen before doing any of his important work in physics. Yes. It was really invented by dispossessed black people We could argue all day long about who actually invented rock 'n' roll. First you have to define what it is and how it differs from blues, jazz, country, gospel, and other source genres. There's no point... but the bottom line is, no matter who you think invented it, they were Americans. Ridiculous! NONE of the people who had a hand in inventing rock were born in Africa. Not one. That's like claiming that all of Thomas Edison's inventions were Dutch or Scottish merely because his ancestors came from those places. IMHO most American movies suck. big time. Sturgeon's Law: 99% of everything is crap. We make SO MANY movies in the States that there is room for lots of crap... we still make some excellent movies. And even our crap movies are avidly sought by people all over the world. Ask your local DVD vendor for details. It was going to be born about that time somewhere. Lots of people in Europe had figured the thing out. A cop-out. If all these Europeans had heavier-than-air flight "figured out", why didn't they do it? The Wright brothers got their machine off the ground, plain and simple, and detracting from that achievement is just sour grapes. But it was Charles P. Steinmetz who invented the Alternating Current that made light bulbs feasible. Steinmetz was a German. The light bulb was obvious. Light bulbs work on DC too, you know. And Tesla (an American) held enough patents in the field to choke an army of Steinmetz clones. Also, the light bulb was far from obvious... it was a great struggle involving a lot of hard work coming up with the right way to make a filament. But it took the Europeans and Japanese to make a good automobile after our marketing and design people lost their minds. They didn't lose their minds, they just got greedy. And the greatest car in the world, the Dodge Dart with the slant-6 engine, is pure Yankee ingenuity. Outlasts and outperforms the vaunted Volkswagen Beetle, and is just as easy to work on. There is a dispute about this. Manzetti, an Italian, is said to have invented the device much earlier than Bell. WHATEVER. Manzetti didn't get the credit for it, so nuts to him. You don't hear me whining about how Marconi swiped the radio from Tesla. To this day it is ridiculous to claim that minorities and woman have equal standing in the US. Right, because as any white male who has been beat out for a job due to Affirmative Action knows, minorites and women have SUPERIOR standing in the US. Sir Alexander Fleming, a Scot, invented penicillin in 1928. My bad. Aren’t we supposed to be talking about GOOD things here? Bras suck. What, you enjoy the sight of pendulous dugs that bounce against a woman's knees when she walks? I dunno. I’ve heard Keith Richards say that he and the rest of the Stones came up with the idea. I dunno. UTTERLY INSANELY ABSURD. Maybe Paul Tutmarc, an Hawaiian did it. No, it was George Beauchamp. He did play Hawaiian music, though. And the point is moot, since Hawaiians are Americans. Crick and his two Brit friends established the practical grounding for this stuff. The discovery of DNA is not the development of genetic engineering. With mathematics from England and scientists from Nazi Germany. Who cares where the MATH came from? And those scientists who weren't native sons of the US were naturalized US citizens. All done with British mathematics. Bah, that's like saying that rocketry is African, since it is also based on fire, which was discovered in Africa. Remind me to render you too drunk to mislead people like this should we ever meet in person. Actually, in contributions as a percentage of GNP the US ranks WAY DOWN the list of nations. But in absolute terms, we're way on top. Who cares if it's a small percentage of our GNP that we give away? We don't have any obligation to give anyone anything! If Hitler had won, how much charity do you figure the Reich would be sending to third-world countries today?
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Post by motis on Mar 18, 2005 16:54:07 GMT 7
Television was invented by John Logie Baird..a Pommy. First off, John Logie Baird was a Scotsman. Second, his device was too impractical to be a success... it could transmit images, but it couldn't transmit still pictures quickly enough to fool the eye into seeing motion. A fundamental change in the way the images were transmitted was necessary before television as we know it became a reality. I'll be fair about it: nobody will ever settle the dispute over who actually invented television. John Logie Baird has a decent claim, but so do a lot of other people. The invention of PRACTICAL television that could be used to transmit images that seemed, to the human eye, to move... that was Philo T. Farnsworth, a self-educated Utah farmboy. You can see the commemorative plaque to this day on Green Street in San Francisco, where Farnsworth's lab was located.
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Post by motis on Mar 18, 2005 16:59:31 GMT 7
Ladies and Gentlemen, Now that we've got it out of our systems, please allow me to suggest that we cease our nationalistic chest-pounding and stop bashing each other's countries. It's all just meant in fun anyway, right? Right? I for one certainly hope that nobody here thinks it's anything except a bit of fun. I love my country a lot, but that doesn't mean I hate anybody else's fair land. In fact, the truth be known, I'm quite a fan of Australia and New Zealand, and often loudly threaten to emigrate there whenever I hear about BushCo's latest depredations. They've got Howard, sure, but at least I'd have a steady supply of Vegemite while watching my country go down the toilet.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 18, 2005 17:02:53 GMT 7
NZ dude apparently had something heavier than air fly well before the Kittyhawk incident. Not sure of details. Assembly line, i think, was a lot earlier than you might think. Luddites were against it. I have seen pics of medieval blacksmithing shop in france, powered by water, that i would guess qualifies as an assembly line before the the discovery of the USA (red people just living there don't count) TV was invented by John Logie Baird, scotsman. Well, LSD is actually just a diethylamination of a naturally occuring substance. He got a racimic mixture and found the active one. Does that count as inventing it? Perhaps. If i had done it, I guess i would have claimed i invented it too. Once i came down. First lab to successfully put one species genes into another was Australian, melbourne uni dudes. Tom Lehrer, great stuff. Well, the world wide web was invented by some guy at CERN, even if it was a couple of Usanian nerds who connected two computers together to make the internet. Hamish said: Actually, in contributions as a percentage of GNP the US ranks WAY DOWN the list of nations. We flatter ourselves by thinking that we give a lot. But, for the US, what we give is pocket change. If my neighbor here in the complex gives me a 100-yuan dinner, he is REALLY showing sacrifice and respect. If I give him a 100-yuan dinner, I am doing it with pin money. Yah. All too true. But i really think i agree with Raoul. We are citizens of the world, we can be large and forgiving. Let us put aside these trite differences of opinion for the betterment of us all. Gather together in groups, supporting each other in brotherhood (and yea, verily, sisterhood too). As long as we get the bomb. I always wanted to say that. . . . (There is a Tom Lehrer song about nuclear proliferation as well, really worth a listen.) Dang. How do you do the multiple quotes thing? What a cluster m'kay. I will bodgy it together until i work it out. that didn't work the way i intended at all. Sorry.
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 18, 2005 17:06:12 GMT 7
Crap. It took me so long that half my points were up already by others.
I thought Tesla was a Czech or something.
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