Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Mar 7, 2006 11:26:27 GMT 7
It's on his birthday thread, if memory serves me correctly.
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teleplayer
Barfly
Ni3 you3 hen3 duo1 qian2. Gei3 wo3 yi4dian(r)3 ba.
Posts: 541
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Post by teleplayer on Mar 9, 2006 22:54:22 GMT 7
A tongue twister that is appropriate for this Saloon - as well as all others....
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker, It's slick to stick a lock upon your stock, Or some stickler who is slicker Will stick you of your liquor If you fail to lock your liquor With a lock!
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gengrant
SuperBarfly!
Hao, Bu Hao?
Posts: 1,818
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Post by gengrant on Mar 10, 2006 0:06:29 GMT 7
yep, like I always say: I like this saloon for two reasons: "liquor in the front and poker in the rear"
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 10, 2006 13:35:07 GMT 7
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Post by Miss Motz on Mar 10, 2006 17:13:23 GMT 7
Why, Why, Why I got this an email and it tickled my fancy so I thought I'd share Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why d! oesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that! no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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woza17
SuperDuperBarfly!
Posts: 2,203
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Post by woza17 on Mar 10, 2006 17:23:39 GMT 7
That was great MM, thanks for sharing. I am sure I can turn this into a lesson plan.
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Post by Miss Motz on Mar 10, 2006 17:38:17 GMT 7
glad to be of service... but a lesson plan??? From what angle??? I guess it's obvious that I am not a practising teacher ....yet My creativity hasn't expanded enough.
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Post by George61 on Mar 10, 2006 19:16:19 GMT 7
It will...out of sheer necessity! In China you learn to create lessons out of thin air.
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gengrant
SuperBarfly!
Hao, Bu Hao?
Posts: 1,818
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Post by gengrant on Mar 10, 2006 19:21:15 GMT 7
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Post by Mr Nobody on Mar 11, 2006 0:29:32 GMT 7
Plans?
Oh, I remember.
They don't work
Just like in war, the plan only lasts until the two sides meet.
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 11, 2006 2:40:14 GMT 7
My question is "Thin air - what is that?
Currently the air in Xi'an is NOT thin -it is really easy to see what you are breathing!
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Post by con's fly is open on Mar 12, 2006 21:07:33 GMT 7
Lotus, if only there was someone nearby to show this to! Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain: Prances With Wolves Jerimiah's Johnson Butch Assidy and the Bundance Kid The Man Who Shot all Over Liberty Valence How the West Was Hung The Legend of The Long Ranger Doc's Holiday with Billy the Kid McCabe and Mr. Miller Destry Rides Again and Again Hi, Plains Drifter The Magnificent Seven Inches Quickly Down Under Bareback Mounting Bone-anza Don't Mess with Tex'ass Home on the Ranger Oklahomo Rooster Cockburn Little Bathhouse on the Prairie Baloney Pony Rodeo Tubesteak Cowboys Silver-Rod-Ohhh!!!!
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 12, 2006 22:24:46 GMT 7
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Post by George61 on Mar 13, 2006 3:46:01 GMT 7
How about .. The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...or Shame Stagecocks
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Post by con's fly is open on Mar 13, 2006 18:11:47 GMT 7
I can smell the effort to switch the genders. I appreciate the gesture, I guess.
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals! 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight" He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, Oh poo!, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
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Post by OZgronk on Mar 13, 2006 19:05:12 GMT 7
Con, The cuckoo clock, what a hoot, Just read that out to Mrs O and she wet herself!
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woza17
SuperDuperBarfly!
Posts: 2,203
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Post by woza17 on Mar 17, 2006 8:47:26 GMT 7
I regulary buy the Guangzhou Morning Post . It is a real hoot. May favourite column in the paper is the sex and adults jokes.
They are so politically incorrect and outrageous to have in a daily, English learning newspaper that it cracks me up.
It you are easily offended please don't read on.
Little red riding hood is skipping through the forest on her way to Granma's house.
Suddenly, the big bad wolf jumpsout of the forest and says, "Your in deep trouble Little Red Riding Hood. I'm going to rip off your clothes and rape you until you faint"
With that, Little Red Riding Hood reaches into her basket and pulls out a very large handgun, points it at the big bad wolf and says. "No your're not, you're going to drop to your knees and EAT ME, just like the story says"
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 17, 2006 11:14:55 GMT 7
At least this page gives fair warning to put the tea (whatever) down ands top drinking. Loved it Woz.
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Mar 17, 2006 13:20:33 GMT 7
Woza, are you serious that that joke was in a daily newspaper - in China?!?
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Post by Norbert Radd on Mar 20, 2006 11:11:56 GMT 7
A nurse went into a bank. She opened her purse. She took out a rectal thermometer. “Damn!” she said. “Some asshole’s got my pen!”
I want to read the sub-que but have had time constraints. Hope this 1 isn't in there. My students asked me for a joke and this is the first one off the top of my head.
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Post by Miss Motz on Mar 20, 2006 17:19:57 GMT 7
Eight Words with two Meanings 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing cricket without a box. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. ENJOY
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Post by George61 on Mar 20, 2006 17:23:28 GMT 7
Funny, Motz. I just bet you're FEMALE!!
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Post by Lotus Eater on Mar 20, 2006 20:24:45 GMT 7
And she comes from a country that plays cricket!! You might have to explain box to the other boys (and girls) here.
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Mar 20, 2006 21:07:38 GMT 7
I'm guessing here, but does it protect the family jewels?
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Post by con's fly is open on Mar 20, 2006 21:56:27 GMT 7
: "cup" : "jock"
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