Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Oct 14, 2006 14:33:38 GMT 7
People seem to have forgotten the reason for education. It is the process not the paper at the end. Not in China. The piece of paper with the red stamp on it is all that counts. How you get it is irrelevant. Actually, the piece of paper matters where I come from too. But, you're right, Mr. N. It's the process.
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Oct 14, 2006 14:38:39 GMT 7
Relevent to the over 50 crowd
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I think the person who wrote this lives in Florida - the land of elderly drivers who shouldn't be driving.
My personal favorite from this lot. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Oct 14, 2006 14:47:21 GMT 7
6 Affairs
The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!
The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked:"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."
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Post by AMonk on Oct 15, 2006 19:24:20 GMT 7
Ruth: You shouldn't do that (^) - my Depends won't hold up!!
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Post by Lotus Eater on Oct 17, 2006 17:53:41 GMT 7
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice! Done that!
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! that too!
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. who me?
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn
6. Causes you to hit; "SEND" before you've finished. oh no - not again!
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."?and I just hate that!
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should?hit "DELETE." Oh No!
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
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Post by Vegemite on Oct 17, 2006 18:44:45 GMT 7
Phew, I just escape the perils of this virus then...I'm young and chirpy...born in '65.
;D
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Escaped Lunatic
Barfly
Civet Burger? Sounds tempting. Can I get fries with that?
Posts: 567
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Post by Escaped Lunatic on Oct 17, 2006 23:24:57 GMT 7
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Post by George61 on Oct 18, 2006 2:51:20 GMT 7
Ooooooopsie!! Ford, Hyundai recall 151,000 China cars
October 17, 2006 - 8:46PM
The China ventures of Ford and Hyundai will recall a total of 151,397 locally made cars to fix defects, the companies say.
Ford said in a statement that its venture in central China was recalling 52,838 Focus sedans - its best-selling model in the country - made between June 17, 2005, and July 30, 2006, due to potential problems with the fuel pump.
A Beijing Hyundai official said it would recall 98,559 Elantra and Sonata cars to fix problems with the ignition system.
The cars were made between Oct 1, 2004, and March 22, 2005.
The companies did not reveal the cost of the recalls.
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Post by con's fly is open on Oct 18, 2006 22:43:09 GMT 7
Another from my buddy Christy:
The Mother of All Resignation Letters: Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, U.S.A. to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker:
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day sightlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharply-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:
* When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do that on your own.
* I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites" list, which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
* When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them, like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted, repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never m'kay with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day, Cecelia
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Post by George61 on Oct 22, 2006 9:33:14 GMT 7
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teleplayer
Barfly
Ni3 you3 hen3 duo1 qian2. Gei3 wo3 yi4dian(r)3 ba.
Posts: 541
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Post by teleplayer on Oct 24, 2006 0:49:52 GMT 7
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Post by con's fly is open on Oct 25, 2006 0:13:02 GMT 7
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?"
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Post by con's fly is open on Oct 25, 2006 0:16:01 GMT 7
(With apologies to mes amis Quebecois)[/b]
A Texan, a Frenchman & a Canadian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air.
The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan says, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap".
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Frenchman pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it. The Canadian can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of Champagne!" The Frenchman says "In France there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap".
So a while later the Canadian pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Frenchman.
The Texan, shocked, says, "Why did you do that?"
The Canadian says, "Well, in Canada, we have plenty of Frenchmen, but beer bottles are worth a dime."
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Post by Hamish on Oct 25, 2006 5:34:17 GMT 7
>> I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been >> dating for >> over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one >> little >> thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My >> prospective >> sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and >> generally was >> braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I >> always >> got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be >> deliberate. >> She never did it when she was near anyone else. >> >> One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to >> check the >> wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she >> whispered to me >> that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't >> overcome. She >> told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got >> married >> and committed my life to her sister. >> >> Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm >> going >> upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just >> come up and get me." >> >> I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the >> stairs. When >> she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the >> stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a >> beeline >> straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight >> towards >> my car. >> >> Lo and behold, my entire future family-in-law was standing outside, >> all >> clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and >> said, "We >> are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't >> ask for a >> better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." > > > >> >> .And the moral of this story is >> Always keep your condoms in your car!
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Post by con's fly is open on Oct 28, 2006 3:50:44 GMT 7
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Post by Vegemite on Oct 29, 2006 11:11:01 GMT 7
The Nun and the Cabbie
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asked him why he was staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask but I don't want to offend you. She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there's nothing you could ask or say that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me." She responds, "Well let's see what we can do about that: #1 you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic. The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes I'm single and Catholic." "OK" the Nun says. "pull into the next alley." The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But then when they get back on the road, the cab drivers starts crying. "My dear child" said the Nun, "why are you cr! ying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The Nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party"............
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Ruth
SuperDuperMegaBarfly
God's provisions are strategically placed along the path of your obedience.
Posts: 3,915
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Post by Ruth on Oct 29, 2006 11:52:39 GMT 7
Made me laugh out loud. Crippler has two students here and I had to explain why I was laughing so hard. By the time I translated all the new words it wasn't so funny to them. Still a great joke, though.
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Post by joe on Oct 30, 2006 17:31:50 GMT 7
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
"Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
"I don't remember much after that..."
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Post by Vegemite on Oct 31, 2006 9:41:55 GMT 7
Two Nuns
Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the bonnet of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer,I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn?
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the m'kay off the car!"
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teleplayer
Barfly
Ni3 you3 hen3 duo1 qian2. Gei3 wo3 yi4dian(r)3 ba.
Posts: 541
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Post by teleplayer on Oct 31, 2006 23:37:58 GMT 7
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas , orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia , the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas . When we all left Wyoming , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs!
All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains...
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and obviously I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected my brothers though."
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Post by Vegemite on Nov 16, 2006 12:43:31 GMT 7
THE LONELY BRAIN CELL
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away
"We're all down here ..."
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Post by Lotus Eater on Nov 16, 2006 14:11:12 GMT 7
FW: Solving Male Midlife Crisis When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 12 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....
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Post by con's fly is open on Nov 16, 2006 19:32:01 GMT 7
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart... Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
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Post by con's fly is open on Nov 16, 2006 19:40:24 GMT 7
Interesting Facts:
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile U.S. National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs - Alexander the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
> >In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >----------------- > >~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >---------------- > >At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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Post by Hamish on Nov 16, 2006 20:09:09 GMT 7
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says,
"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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